Hill dining may be deceiving

Nothing gives me more joy in the world than two scoops of Ben
& Jerry’s “Marsha Marsha Marshmallow” ice
cream topped with hot fudge and caramel, mixed with a handful of
crumbled Double Stuf Oreos. OK, maybe three scoops.

On the other hand, nothing is more horrific than looking into
the mirror and discovering that I’m starting to look like a
ball of dough with eyeholes.

I am not kidding. This is not verbal hyperbole. By the end of my
freshman year at UCLA, the only way I could put on my favorite pair
of jeans was to lie down on my bed and use a wire coat hanger to
pull ““ no, yank up ““ the zipper.

But I guess that’s what endless nights of dining on
cheeseburgers and fries at Puzzles will do to a girl.

I think the true test of free will is whether a college student
is able to resist chili-cheese fries after a long day of reading
textbooks during midterm week. The 10 pounds I gained speak for
themselves.

However, the power-struggle equation has been made even more
complicated with the addition of Bruin Cafe. Nowadays, residents on
the Hill have it even harder, because items they are ordering from
Bruin Cafe may seem like healthier choices, but in reality are not
much better.

For instance, you’d think that anything with the word
sandwich in it is going to be healthier than anything with the word
pizza in it. On the contrary, the individual vegetarian pizza from
Puzzles wins when pitted against the grilled-vegetable sandwich
from Bruin Cafe.

The pizza comes in at 522 calories while the sandwich exceeds it
by 171 calories at 693. The sandwich also has over twice as many
grams and calories from fat.

Another surprise is in store when comparing the ham-and-swiss
sandwich of the Bruin Cafe and the individual Hawaiian pizza from
Puzzles. The sandwich weighs in at 751 calories, 30 grams of fat,
and 270 calories from fat. The Hawaiian pizza wins the match with
539 calories, 10 grams of fat, and 90 calories from fat.

Of course, there are items on Bruin Cafe’s menu that are
healthier than some items on the Puzzles menu, but the distinction
is not night and day. Just because a menu lists sandwiches, salads
and soups does not make it unequivocally healthier than a menu that
lists burgers, pizzas and fries.

In fact, the entree with the least amount of calories, grams of
fat, and calories from fat is the chicken-breast sandwich from
Puzzles. However, the small sums of calories, grams of fat, and
calories from fat are not indicative of a lack in protein, of which
it has 36 grams. This amount scores in the top five in protein for
both Puzzles and Bruin Cafe entrees.

When it comes to late-night dining on the Hill, students should
take a look at the UCLA Dining Services menu and nutritional
information before deciding which items are healthiest.

If you judge a book by its cover, you may end up reading a
really boring book or missing out on a great one. However, if you
judge food by its name, the consequences are more serious. You
could end up impairing your health.

If you like ice cream as much as Tao, e-mail her at
atao@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.

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