I’ve really got to hand it to Hideki Matsui. For a
professional baseball player, he has pretty respectable musical
taste. The New York Yankee outfielder’s favorites include The
Who, Lenny Kravitz and the Beatles.
How do I know about Mr. Matsui’s musical taste? Easy: I
listen for them when he comes to bat.
In a move seemingly inspired by professional wrestling, each
professional baseball player coming to bat or pitch has the option
of selecting his own signature entrance music. And considering how
many times entrances occur in baseball and how much attention is
called to them (hitters coming to bat, pitching changes, etc.), it
makes sense to allow players this option.
Some take it a lot more seriously than others, who allow the
sound technicians at the stadium to pick their music for them. In
Matsui’s case, he sometimes gets shafted by the sound guys,
who, instead of playing his choices, will play a snippet of the
“Godzilla” theme song whenever he comes to bat. (Matsui
was nicknamed “Godzilla” when he played for the Yomiuri
Giants in Japan.)
Perusing ESPN.com, I actually managed to find a fairly
comprehensive list of the music that plays for each hitter. Some of
the choices were depressing, such as Craig Biggio of the Houston
Astros (my favorite baseball player of all time), who enters to
Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie.” Some were fitting, such
as steroids-in-baseball pariah Barry Bonds sometimes entering to
the “Phantom of the Opera” theme, or Alex Rodriguez
typically asking for Lil’ Flip’s “Game
Over” and then grounding into a rally-killing double
play.
Others, though, are downright bizarre, such as music fiend Barry
Zito of the Oakland A’s demanding that Incubus’
“Megalomaniac” be played … but only if it’s
cued to start at the 37-second mark. Perhaps that’s another
one that we can file under “fitting.”
It’s a pretty awesome thing to announce your entrance with
a popular song, particularly one of your choice. So I’ve
decided to assign entrance music for a variety of celebrities, as
well as myself.
This is a really fun game to play with politics. Imagine if
every time President Bush walked into a press conference,
“March of the Gladiators” would play. (For those
unfamiliar with the title, it’s the classic circus song.)
The fun doesn’t stop there; embattled former House
Majority Leader Tom DeLay could enter to Jay-Z’s “99
Problems.” (Hopefully Hova could be persuaded to alter the
chorus to “I got 99 problems but redistrictin’
ain’t one.”) The entire Democratic Party could enter
simultaneously to Elvis Costello’s “I Just Don’t
Know What to Do With Myself” as though they were the NWO
Wolfpack of professional wrestling. Ironically, I’d actually
have the Republicans enter to the “NWO Wolfpack
Theme.”
It’s too bad there isn’t a song called
“I’m Famous for Absolutely Nothing” that could
play when Paris Hilton makes a public appearance. On second
thought, her entire life is thematically similar to the
inexplicable popular trajectory of poor William Hung’s cover
of “She Bangs,” so I say we link those two forever in
time by having it play whenever she goes anywhere.
As for myself, I thought long and hard about what entrance music
I would want to have played when I, say, walked into a party or
entered Expressmart at 2 a.m. After getting nowhere, a friend told
me she had figured out the perfect entrance music for me:
“Magic Man,” by Heart. After hearing it, I was sold,
and I was even more sold when she said the opening guitar riff fit
me the best. So now I could be like Zito and demand specific cues,
though I still wouldn’t have a borderline unhittable
curveball. But I guess you can’t win them all.
In any case, it’ll be fun to imagine “Magic
Man” playing whenever I enter a new situation. Perhaps one
day, if I become famous or a totalitarian dictator, I can decree
that it be played at all times everywhere. That would be truly
awesome.
Humphrey doesn’t want entrance music as much as he wants
to spend time at Expressmart.
E-mail him if you appreciate his new favorite
hangout, too, at mhumphrey@media.ucla.edu.