We are born sexual people. I don’t have many memories from
my early childhood, but one thing I do remember is humping my
parents’ newly delivered couch.
I must have been about 2 years old. And even at that young,
tender age, when I didn’t understand what I was doing, I did
have a sense that it was wrong ““ so much so, that I
distinctly remember trying to hide my pleasurable hobby from my
parents. (Whether I was successful or unsuccessful, I don’t
know.)
Almost everyone I’ve talked to has similar memories of
early childhood ““ anything from masturbating in public and
touching oneself in the bathtub to “inventing” sex
ideas to be tried in the future, such as 69ing or the peanut
butter/penis/dog trick (just think about it).
In other words, most of us are sexual beings practically from
birth. While as children we don’t understand these physical
desires, as we mature into young adults these needs become more
acute.
These desires in preteens and teenagers should not be suppressed
or ignored. While child pornography and exploitation are inherently
wrong, sexual identities and needs in all people are an integral
part of our everyday lives and need to be properly addressed.
Young people are often overlooked, overridden, or simply not
given enough credit for their competence and intuition. After all,
teenagers are reckless, confused and inherently bad. We all know
that given the choices, they’re completely incompetent when
it comes to choosing the “right” one.
That’s why we believe in abstinence-only programs ““
in taking away teenagers’ freedom by forcing them down the
“right” path. It shows them the correct approach to
moral and physical sexual health (don’t look, don’t
smell, don’t touch until locked in heterosexual wedlock)
without even allowing them to consider otherwise. I mean, obviously
young people aren’t smart enough to go exploring their
physical desires on their own without being told that a.) these
desires exist, and b.) they’re allowed to explore. Telling
them (or anyone) that something is bad is the most effective way of
keeping them from that thing.
Unfortunately for those who believe in that line of thought, I
remember my teenage years. I remember how, independent of my
parents, I decided what classes to take during high school, how to
productively spend my summers, which universities to apply to, and
eventually, which university to attend.
What I don’t remember is being completely reckless,
uncontrollable, and having no sense of what was good for my future.
And while I can think of a few high school acquaintances who fit
the stereotypical image of a teenager, I can also think of just as
many adults who fit the same profile.
There is absolutely no proof that abstinence-only programs work.
While you may point to “virginity pledges” for proof
that these young people are putting off sex until later, these
pledges only work if 30 percent or less of the student population
at a school took the pledge. And then they only delay students by
at most 18 months. Also, when they do have sex, they’re much
more likely to have many partners and not use protection.
In fact, sex-education programs that properly discuss sexual
choices cause young people to delay the initiation of sex and also
cause them to use safe sexual practices.
Statistics aside, comprehensive sex education is key to
establishing autonomy and preparing young people for the difficult
decisions they will have to make later in life. By implementing
abstinence-only programs, society is sending the message to young
people that it has no faith in their judgment and decision-making
skills, and have no concern for their sexual needs and desires.
Young people, being the sexual and almost “adult”
people they are, deserve fair and unbiased information about their
sexual health. Preteens and teenagers have a right to this
information; society is responsible for providing complete and
unbiased information, so that the appropriate life choices can be
made.
When I used to babysit in junior high, I used to watch every
little thing the kid was doing in order to keep him from falling,
to save him from making a mistake that could possibly injure him in
any way. However, as the child’s father explained to me,
it’s important for children to make mistakes. Making mistakes
is how children learn. And while I wouldn’t say getting
unintentionally pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted
disease is the same as a scabbed knee, they are mistakes that
happen. These are mistakes that apply not only to teenagers, but to
people in general.
When we are so scared of pregnancy and STDs that we don’t
want to take any risks, we turn to abstinence. When we want to have
sex, we have contraceptives. When contraceptives fail, we have
emergency contraceptives. When all forms of birth control fail
(which, if used as taught in appropriate sex-education programs,
should rarely happen), then there is a whole host of options from
keeping the child, to abortion, to adoption.
In order to ensure a responsible next generation, we need to
show young people that we have faith in their judgment ““
faith that they can and will make appropriate choices for their
future health. This applies to everything, not just sex. And when
they make a mistake, as we all do, we should support them and help
them recover from that mistake. As idealistic as that sounds,
it’s worth a try.
Exercise your autonomy, and choose to e-mail Loewenstein at
lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments to
viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.