Joe Bruin is not a loser. I’ve talked to him. I know.
However, the way things are currently progressing, he’s not
only going to be a loser, but he’s going to be the biggest
loser of all. Well, relatively speaking.
You see, right now Joe is embroiled in an epic 14-week-long
struggle ““ the Capital One Mascot Challenge ““ wherein
Joe competes for votes from adoring fans against one of 12
different mascots each week.
Joe is currently 1-4. He is in last place. That’s not
where Joe Bruin should be.
That’s why we, as UCLA students, need to come together and
catapult Joe up the standings to a place where he truly belongs. We
owe it to our school, our friends and loved ones, and most
importantly, ourselves.
But it’s difficult. We’re busy people, and we
don’t want to take the time out of our lives to vote for some
silly mascot.
Well, we should, especially when you get to know the man behind
the mask, the man inside the bear suit, the man who was Joe Bruin
his freshman year and came out of mascot retirement to appear in
the Capital One commercials and participate in the mascot
challenge.
That man is senior Andrew Green.
“When most kids were dreaming of being astronauts and
firemen, I dreamed of dressing up in a bear suit and dancing around
at football games and basketball games and alumni donor
events,” said Green, currently a member of UCLA’s yell
crew.
Yes, the desire was born in Green at a young age, and it
flowered throughout his youth. And then, as a precocious Bruin
freshman, Green went to mascot tryouts, but only to watch.
Well, he didn’t just watch, and the rest, as they say, is
history.
One national championship later (Green won the 2003 United
Spirit Association mascot national championship), he is reaping the
benefits of mascotdom, even though his mascot appearances are now
just for special occasions.
“I would say that after being Tom Cruise and a pro
athlete, there is no other career or identity besides mascoting
that gets you more females,” Green said. “Trust me,
I’m a mascot. I have no problem with the ladies.”
That quote really got me thinking. Mascoting? Is that really the
verb? Is there such a thing, or did Green just misspeak, and is
there really another term for the act of acting as a mascot?
According to Green, there is.
“Mascoting. That’s a common misconception,”
Green said. “The actual phrase is “˜kicking ass
24/7.'”
And why not?
When you’re a mascot, the world is your oyster. And when
you’re with 11 other similarly skilled folks filming
commercials in Vancouver for a week, you pretty much rule the
country that is Canada.
“We attracted a lot of fans,” Green said.
“When you’re a mascot, people want to be you. They want
to be with you.
“We didn’t have too many groupies traveling with us,
but we have mascot handlers that take care of the mascots. Some
could call them groupies, but they would basically just make sure
that the mascots didn’t get in trouble.”
Handlers? Are you kidding me?
Green admitted that he wasn’t placed with a handler,
causing him to have a few run-ins with animal control, but he also
claimed that his week of 15-hour work days and wild nights was
perhaps the best time of his mascot existence.
Leaving Vancouver with a handful of new animal friends, Bruiser
(the Baylor bear), Buzz (the Georgia Tech yellow jacket), and Butch
T. Cougar (the Washington State cougar) among them, Green also left
with newfound knowledge. And you can’t put a price on
that.
“Tennessee has Smokey, and he’s a dog, so I thought
he was just Smokey the Dog,” Green said. “But I was
corrected by the Tennessee entourage, and in fact, Smokey is a
hound dog.”
Green later revealed that a hound dog is merely a hunting dog
“bred for its keen sense of olfaction.”
Now you know.
And know this, as well ““ Joe Bruin deserves to win this
mascot challenge.
Green deserves to add the championship of the Capital One Mascot
Challenge to his wall of trophies.
If it doesn’t happen, however, Green won’t fret, for
life is good.
“It’s a really exciting time right now, especially
in the world of mascot,” he said. “I couldn’t be
happier to be a part of it as we enter the new
millennium.”
But Andrew, haven’t we already entered? Aren’t we
kind of here?
“It’s so hard to tell in this go, go world when
we’re entering and when we’re exiting. And sometimes
you’ve just got to look to the stars and behold all that is
glorious and magnificent about the world we live in.”
I couldn’t agree more. Go Bruins.
E-mail Regan at dregan@media.ucla.edu if you also want to
become a mascot.