Of all the relationships you develop at UCLA ““ friends,
more-than-friends, hook-up buddies and whatnot ““ being
roommates is definitely a category of its own. When I spoke to
students at UCLA, many reiterated this.
Nanette Curtis, a first-year student, agrees. “Actually
living with someone changes things. You’re suddenly sharing a
part of your life.”
I completely agree. The connection I have with my roommate is
beyond any other relationship.
After two quarters of living with someone ““ everything
from sharing laundry detergent to deciding who’s clearing out
the garbage ““ I’ve seriously realized how living with
someone is on a completely different level than just being friends
or acquaintances.
Take conflicts, for example. Your room is the one little niche
that you can call your own. It’s your comfort zone, and
you’re being asked to share it with someone else. Maybe it
results from the fact that you wake up to this person in the
morning and you see him or her when you get back from class, but
conflicts remain constantly in your face.
Apart from that, the roommate’s side of the room is a
constant reminder of him or her. Whether you like it or not, your
roommate does become somewhat of a constant presence in your
life.
So, metaphorically speaking at least, you can’t exactly
“leave” your problems. You have to come back to your
room at some point or another ““ it is your room, after
all.
This is not high school, when you could always go home whenever
there were problems. Here, home is where the problems are. Speaking
from personal experience, unresolved issues create a constant
atmosphere of discomfort.
I spoke to one of my floormates who got into a tiff with her
roommate, and she told me how she can see her room while walking
back. If she sees the light on she gets depressed, but if the
light’s off she becomes unconditionally happy. Cliche or not,
apart from merely sharing rooms, you do end up sharing your lives
as well.
In addition, it’s rather interesting to see how the
university expects completely random people to get along. True, I
have heard theories about how roommates are put together,
everything from “we’re both from Indian descent”
to “we’re both first children.”
Who knows? Maybe the housing office does use the survey (the one
we all filled out in the beginning about our preferences) to put
people together. But the issue remains as to how can students
avoid, or at least resolve, roommate problems.
Quite honestly, I don’t feel I’m in a position to
give much advice, but from my own experiences and those of other
people on my floor, I can say it definitely helps to work them
out.
But sometimes, unfortunately, issues can’t be resolved. At
least two people on my floor have requested roommate switches, if
not to move out of the hall entirely. Another of my floormates told
me she couldn’t sleep in her room because of the loud music
and the light. And this was right before a midterm.
She ended up spending the night in my room. Ironically, her
roommate is actually going around asking people to switch with her.
For better or worse, they only have six more weeks of living
together.
When I hear about such situations, I seriously wonder why they
can’t be avoided. So one of the ideas I propose is to have a
“roommate choosing” week. Considering the fact that
there are approximately 60 people or more on a floor, there’s
a good chance that you’ll get along with at least one of
them.
If you feel that someone on your floor is a great match, you
should be allowed to switch within the first few weeks without any
problems. I know that might be a bother, but it’s worth a
try.
But then, the issue of getting along with someone versus living
with someone comes up again.
I’ve noticed that there are varied levels of closeness
between roommates. Most people I’ve met either are best
friends with their roommates, get along but aren’t exactly
involved in each other’s lives, or they just plain hate each
other.
The last category consists of all the “horror
stories” ““ people walking in on a roommate masturbating
or having to lock their stuff just because they don’t trust
their roommate.
What is rather remarkable, though, is how people grow on you. I
guess it is this fact that has made the practice of pairing
strangers together endure.
At one point or another, quite a few of my friends have told me
that their relationship with their roommate has evolved. As one of
my floormates said, “In the beginning, she was kind of weird.
But … she’s grown on me. I’m actually going to miss
not living with her next year.”
Then again, Curtis made another introspective statement:
“Just as your roommate starts to grow on you, you outgrow
them.” Sad, but often true. However, as you enter this phase
of mutually moving on, you realize how much you yourself have
changed.
I guess this is where the key difference lies between being
roommates and all other relationships. You do grow from other
relationships, but by being roommates, you actually see yourself
evolve through this bond you share with someone who you’ve
lived with for an entire year.
At the end of the year, you might be best friends, just friends,
or you might not want to see each other ever again. But college is
definitely a piece of your life that, when you look back on it,
cannot be completely separated from the people you lived it
with.
Have roommate drama? E-mail Saxena at
ssaxena@media.ucla.edu.