Football kickers play the most maligned position in all of
sports.
They suffer from the same jealous unpopularity annoying white
guards do in basketball ““ they look too much like everyone
else.
Plus, most sports fans think they can do their job.
So when kickers miss, they are subject to a million Joe
Blows’ ire.
It’s the same phenomenon as making fun of Shaq and free
throws. A lot of people can hit half their free throws in an empty
gym. But that doesn’t mean you can do it in front of
thousands of people.
So for those of you out there who were first grade champion at
kickball or played five years of youth soccer, I’m here to
tell you that kicking field goals ain’t easy.
Granted, I have the leg strength of a dachshund. But as I strode
onto the football practice field last week, I figured I could
convert half of my extra points (19 yards away) and maybe sneak one
through from 30 yards.
It wasn’t like I was out kicking blindly by myself either.
I had first-team all-Pac-10 kicker and fellow member of the Mission
San Jose Little League Champion Astros ““ Justin Medlock
““ with me.
After studying him for a few minutes as he calmly hit 10
straight field goals from beyond 40 yards, I thought I had the
technique about figured out ““ take three steps back and two
to the side, and then kick the ball really far between the yellow
poles.
After a few minutes, I realized I couldn’t even get the
“kick the ball” part right.
On my first extra-point try, I kicked the ground first, sending
the ball fluttering 10 yards to the right and only five feet off
the ground.
Thankfully, instead of 50,000 people, I only had three football
players laugh at me.
Medlock tried to keep a straight face and had me take longer
steps and keep my foot pointed toward the ground when I struck the
ball.
He must be a horrible teacher though because my next three tries
went under the crossbar. Although in my defense, one of them was
kind of in the general direction.
Then on my fifth attempt everything clicked. I approached the
ball smoothly, and when my foot hit pigskin I swear I heard angels
sing.
I eagerly looked up and saw the very ball from my foot reach
toward the heavens and descend in the distance.
It triumphantly bounced on the crossbar and leapt over, exactly
as I had planned.
See, not that hard.
My triumph was short-lived. Medlock proceeded to thoroughly
embarrass me in a foot-to-foot matchup.
Losing to him shouldn’t have been humiliating at all,
seeing as he’s one of the best kickers in college
football.
On the other hand, he is left-footed and used his right
instead.
In fact, after my miraculous crossbar extra point, I
didn’t make another attempt all day.
I attempted toeing the ball, taking just one approach step,
scooping the ball with my foot. At the end I got desperate and
tried five in a row from eight yards, which is technically still in
the end zone.
Not one was close. Medlock beat me with his right foot from
there too.
I’m not necessarily claiming that because I suck, most
people out there do too. But I honestly thought I had some shot at
succeeding at some of the easier kicks, but I might as well have
been trying to tackle Maurice Drew.
So instead of being one of those fans after a missed field goal
that says, “How did he miss that!” go out yourself and
see how hard it is.
Then again, I’m not the best example.
I think I was unfair to dachshunds.
E-mail Peters at bpeters@media.ucla.edu if you think writing
a column is easy.