New rules would enliven rowing

It was the kind of phone call that you don’t like
receiving from a friend.

All set to ditch my alarm clock for the weekend, I got a call
last Thursday from Emina Ong, the coxswain on the women’s
rowing team. She had a specific request.

“I’m inviting you to our race on Saturday,”
she said. “It’s my last one at home.”

In the brief awkward silence that followed, my mind raced
through dozens of excuses. Needless to say, Ong was keen enough to
realize that the only place I had to be at seven in the morning was
my bed. She really didn’t have any sympathy for my need to
sleep.

It’s not that I hate rowing. Over the summer, I’d
casually watch the Olympic event if that was what the television
networks dictated I watch. Yet there were two distinct differences
between NBC’s coverage and the Miller Cup.

First, I never felt compelled to wake up at seven in the morning
or drive on the 405 freeway to watch the Olympics. Second,
television allowed me to actually follow an entire race start to
finish. The Miller Cup, a typical regatta for spectators, gave me a
45-second window before the rowers cruised away to a finish line
entirely out of my line of sight.

Completely aware of these things, I looked to weasel my way out
of the situation. I offered to take Ong out to lunch, but she said
that wasn’t good enough. I insisted she attend one of my
intramural tennis matches in exchange, and she called my bluff by
saying she would. Realizing how desperate my efforts were becoming,
I caved into the guilt trip she laid, figuring it wouldn’t
hurt to sacrifice some rest for one weekend to support the
13th-ranked Bruins.

Since the opportunities to see the actual races were so fleeting
and since UCLA had a comfortable lead each time, I had plenty of
time to think of ways to make rowing more fan-friendly. I shared
some of these ideas with Ong, but she thought most of them would be
too dangerous.

1: Tug-of-war: Two teams attach a rope to the end of their boats
and try to paddle in opposite directions. Whichever team pulls its
opponent over a marked line wins. This would create a smaller
playing area that would allow fans to see all the action. Teams
would be face-to-face, and with each event over in less than a
minute, it’d provide a really intense atmosphere.

2: Evening races: One of the biggest obstacles rowing has to
overcome is the ungodly hour it competes at. Holding races at
sunset along the marina would give the sport a distinct advantage.
Though noting problems with the high winds and tide, Ong was more
receptive to this idea.

“That would be so romantic,” she said, and when I
asked whether it’d be a good place to take a date, she agreed
so long as the couple had a boat to watch from.

3. Red light-green light: Teams would be required to stop
paddling whenever a designated official called out “red
light” and could not start again until “green
light” was shouted. Teams that do not stop in the appropriate
time would be penalized by losing a rower.

Ong wondered who this designated official would be, so I
suggested the best fan in attendance should be rewarded.

“Yeah, it’d be like basketball where you win a free
pizza,” she said.

4. Sabotage: Teams could try to wreak some havoc by moving into
other lanes and finding creative uses for their paddles.
Alternatively, two rowers per team could jump ship and swim over to
latch onto an opponent’s paddle in order slow them down.

Ong was wary of the possibility of rowers hitting each other
with their paddles, but when I recommended everyone wear helmets,
she didn’t come up with an effective rebuttal. Wearing
helmets would give the sport more of a football vibe, and judging
by crowds at the Rose Bowl, this is something rowing should try to
imitate.

5. Be a coxswain: This position doesn’t actually row, but
sits at the head of the ship, giving directions and moral support
to the team. Allowing dedicated fans to participate in this role
every once in a while would really encourage fans to come out and
legitimately be a part of the team. As hard-core fans, they’d
already be capable of providing positive reinforcement.

“What if they’re overweight?” Ong asked, and I
assuaged that concern by telling her the potential coxswains would
be grouped into weight classes.

Ong still thought it would be dangerous, since most fans
wouldn’t be able to steer their teams properly, but I thought
this would be even more entertaining for the spectators and merely
provide another challenge for the rowers.

I’m not too optimistic of my ideas being implemented by
the NCAA anytime soon. But if they were, it wouldn’t take a
guilt trip to get me out to watch another regatta.

E-mail Finley at afinley@media.ucla.edu with ideas on how to
make your favorite sport more fan-friendly.

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