It’s finals week, and while you may be stressing out or
just getting some pre-spring break partying in before your finals
actually begin, don’t forget to eat.
As counterintuitive as it seems, the quality of your diet is
linked to the quality of your sex life.
So while it may seem easier to make a quick trip to the vending
machine and cram down some sugar rather than sitting down and
having a good meal, the latter is important ““ not only for
your physical well-being ““ but for your sex life.
Watching your diet shouldn’t be difficult: There are many
foods that enhance libido, including vegetables, fruits, seafood
(oh, those oysters), lean meat and (God forbid) chocolate. These
foods are important for your health regardless of whether you are
having sex (yes, I insist that chocolate is healthy), but now you
just have a little more incentive to eat them.
There are a few tricks to aid you with your eating choices. With
the vegetables it’s pretty easy to tell what will boost your
energy in bed ““ anything phallic in shape is a thumbs-up.
If you think about this too much, eating becomes an
excruciatingly sexual experience (stop thinking about it). These
libido-enhancing vegetables include asparagus, celery, corn,
cucumbers, carrots, eggplant and more.
With fruits there is no simple way to know which ones will give
you erotic superpowers, but because most of them should at least
somewhat increase your hunger for sex, while decreasing your
appetite for calories, I’d say eat them all. Specifically,
the tomato (it’s a fruit ““ don’t argue with me),
fondly known as the “love apple,” which has long been
sought after for enhancing libido.
There seems to be a trend with the fruits that are often
mistaken for vegetables. The avocado (a fruit) also has a
reputation for inducing sexual prowess. It’s sexual history
dates back to the Aztecs, who used it as a sexual stimulant. Their
name for the fruit, ahuacatl, means “testicle,” which
is due in part to its shape (there’s that shape thing again),
but also to its sexual character.
Other foods that boost sexual health include beans, leeks,
parsley, peppers, soy beans, spinach, truffles, turnips and
watercress. Now you know why girls always order salads.
While some foods, such as garlic and onions, may increase your
appetite for sex, they will probably have the opposite effect on
your partner. Though it’s easy to fix the breath aspect with
some toothpaste and floss, your diet effects more than just your
breath ““ what goes in must come out.
Garlic and onions have been known to affect the taste of semen
and vaginal secretions. So if you’re expecting someone to
head south, I suggest you abstain from the garlic bread and onion
rings.
In the same way that garlic and onions are known to negatively
effect the smell of your bodily fluids, other foods have a positive
contribution to make. Specifically pineapple, which is rumored to
make semen taste sweet. So if you’re really pushing the
swallowing side of the spit v. swallow debate, I suggest you make
sure to feast on some of this fresh Hawaiian fruit.
And while it’s a good idea to eat all these foods on a
regular basis, if you want to emphasize the sexual quality of these
foods, they’re easily turned into a dinner for two. Or you
could make use of the knowledge that chocolate not only has
aphrodisiac qualities, it is also easily melted. I’ll let you
be creative. (The mind is such a dirty thing.)
But if you’re ready to get really kinky, get your hands on
a range of sexy candy products available from
http://www.temptationsdirect.co.uk, including Cream Filled Willies
(milk chocolate filled with praline), Naughty Nipples (mint
chocolate nipples with a cream filling) and Jelly Boobs and Willies
(pretty self-explanatory).
And it doesn’t end there: Body Butter, which is made to
spread on a body, not bread, and then licked off, comes in a
variety of flavors, from warm cherry to Valencia vanilla. I feel a
creative mixture of flavors is in order.
And the best yet ““ Spermies. “These peach-flavored
gum sweets are shaped just like giant sperm, and they are so tasty,
they’re the only spermies no one would ever spit out,”
said the advertisement. I might feel the urge to chew on these
loudly in the front row of women’s sexuality, if only I was
in the class.
It would be so nice if everything, from math to novels, was a
sex booster. But this consistent link between food and sex makes
biological sense. Both food and sex are linked to the limbic system
in the brain, which generally controls emotion.
The punch line ““ good food means good sex. Bon
appetit.
If you still haven’t stopped thinking about phallic
vegetables , e-mail Lara at lloewenstein@media.ucla.edu.