Valentine’s Day is neither the litmus test for love nor
Hallmark’s devil spawn. There’s no need for all the
angst surrounding the frilly pink holiday. If you have a date,
enjoy.
But if you don’t, it’s time to revel in pasta and
cheese. Lots of cheese. The best way to do this is with tuna noodle
casserole.
Although casseroles are traditionally baked, this simplified
version of the dish is made entirely on the stove. No baking dish
or oven time is necessary.
Chivalry might be dead, but so is Atkins, which is why you
don’t need to feel guilty about loving wagon-wheel pasta.
Fusilli is fine, too, but wagon wheels are round and fun, and globs
of cheese get caught in the spokes.
Cook a one-pound package of your noodles of choice.
As you start heating water for the pasta in a large covered pot,
turn on Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the
Heart” ““ her multi-octave agony will put any loneliness
in perspective.
The song is so long that by the time it’s over, the water
will be boiling.
Dump the pasta into the pot and let it boil until cooked,
stirring occasionally. Drain all the water, but leave the warm
noodles in the pot. You don’t need a guy. Or a card. Or
flowers.
What you do need is a block of colby jack cheese. Eight ounces,
to be exact. So what if everyone in the world, even your
good-for-nothing slacker roommate, is out to dinner but you?
It’s nice to be left alone in the apartment for once,
don’t you think?
Grate the ““ wait, someone’s at the door.
Let your roommate in, miserable and clutching a battered
heart-shaped box.
Grate the cheese and stir it into the pasta over low heat as his
heartbroken story comes out: The girl he met on Thefacebook.com
totally just stood him up.
Turn off the heat. Add a 10-ounce can of condensed
cream-of-mushroom soup and a 12-ounce can of tuna (make sure
you’ve drained the water) to the cheesy pasta and stir until
they’re distributed thoroughly.
That girl was perfect for him. According to her profile, she was
gorgeous and kicked butt at “Half-Life 2,” but he
waited two hours at the restaurant and she never showed. Watch your
roommate brighten as he notices that you’re cooking.
“Is that tuna noodle casserole?”
“Yep.”
“With peas?”
“If you want to heat them up.”
Dig into the creamy comfort food and grin as your roommate
sulkily pours microwaved frozen peas all over his casserole. Scoot
over so he can plop next to you on the couch and drown your sorrows
in pasta together.
Blush a bit as your roommate proffers the now-unnecessary red
cardboard heart.
“Want some chocolate?”
Look over at him, all pouty over the loss of his Internet date.
He cleans up nicely: a little tousled, but in a charming way.
He’s well dressed. He smells good. He brought chocolate. Over
the time you’ve lived together, he’s seen you at your
best and worst, so he understands how you ““
“Brraaaaaaapp.”
He belches fish in your face.
You’ll have better luck next year.
Raab’s inbox gets so lonely at night. E-mail her at
lraab@media.ucla.edu.