Being in a relationship generally requires a lot of effort
““ you have to balance your schedules, make sure you
don’t neglect your friends, and occasionally resolve disputes
and miscommunications.
And trust me, it gets a little harder when you work with the
person.
One of the rules of attraction taught in Comm. 10 is proximity:
You’re likely to want to become closer with those
you’re spatially close to. So it’s understandable to
develop a crush on a floormate, a friend or a co-worker.
And simply because many campus jobs lead to friendships and
expanded social circles, intra-office dating is a likely off-shoot
of hanging out after hours with mutual co-worker friends.
There’s something about working closely with colleagues
toward a goal, even a menial task, that can bring you together.
Mutual excitement, boredom and routine can serve as some of the
most effective human bonding agents ““ and these are often
found in the workplace.
But just because the attraction is easily facilitated by space
doesn’t mean a flawless relationship is next in line.
Attraction is the easy part ““ maintaining a professional
relationship with a significant other requires more thought and can
become a concern to other co-workers.
Michael Brown, a fifth-year music history student, works at the
UCLA Store and is currently dating a co-worker who is also one of
his bosses. They met through mutual friends who worked at the
store, and when they started dating, Brown said their supervisor
OK’d the relationship “as long as there were no cat
fights or making out on the floor.”
And really, that’s what it comes down to ““
restraining yourselves from public displays of affection and not
letting personal arguments bleed into your working
relationship.
Having been in two serious relationships with two different
co-workers, I can honestly tell you it’s a horrible and a
wonderful idea.
Horrible if you break up, wonderful if you don’t ““
and you never know which side you’ll be on in the end.
The possibility of a bad ending isn’t a good reason not to
date, but it is a reason for serious thought. Like any business
decision, doing a cost-benefit analysis can help you decide whether
to merge or remain separate.
And the benefits are numerous ““ work becomes more fun if
it means getting to see your sweetie, and having to put in extra
hours is generally more well-received.
The challenge of maintaining a professional relationship within
a romantic relationship may seem difficult, but the hardest part is
remaining civil after the breakup ““ a scenario you have to
consider before you date a co-worker.
And no matter how much you think it over and promise to each
other that, yeah, you could work together even if the romance
doesn’t, you never can anticipate the aftermath of a
breakup.
For example, after one failed relationship that made me dread
going to work because I didn’t want to see my ex, I vowed
never to date a co-worker ever again. I was even a vocal opponent
of intra-office dating and cautioned others against it.
Until a year later, when I broke that promise to myself and
realized relationship success depends more on the people involved
than the workplace.
Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu if you have a crush on your boss, TA or
professor.