Ten-year-old actress Dakota Fanning has allegedly entered drug
rehab.
At least that’s what a lot of America heard during
E!’s Golden Globe red carpet pre-show when comedian,
self-proclaimed D-list celebrity and personal role model Kathy
Griffin took hold of the microphone at Sunday night’s award
ceremony.
As the dynamic redhead and red carpet co-host chatted it up with
the stars, she managed to spread rumors about Fanning, asking
everyone if they had any “celebrity messages” that she
could send to Dakota. The next day, the Internet, not to mention
Fanning’s publicist I’m sure, was swamped with words of
sympathy, sorrow, and disbelief over the child star’s tragic
downward spiral.
If you ask me, the whole thing was awesome.
We all know that for the most part Award shows are pretty
boring. Besides the occasional had-a-bit-too-much-champagne
celebrity who stumbles over the words on the Teleprompter and
playfully slurs, “Do you like my body?”, there’s
no reason not to just wait for the winners list to come out.
But Griffin, whose sarcastic wit and complete disregard for
maintaining her own career stability rivals even that of former E!
red carpet host Joan Rivers herself, is why I love the red carpet.
It’s a chance for moderately successful celebs to mess with
bigger-name celebs of whom they’re either secretly jealous or
whom they simply dislike as much as the rest of us. But it’s
also why whoever was in charge of replacing Rivers with “The
View” co-host and wedding enthusiast Star Jones on the red
carpet deserves to die. I’m serious.
The woman is a lawyer, not a fashion icon. Hell, she’s not
even witty.
Jones didn’t manage to bother, pester, anger, or even
mildly annoy any of the stars as they walked the famous red line.
To anyone who managed to stay awake during the entirety of the
portion of the pre-show hosted by the tedious and
overly-complimentary Jones, I give you props. You are a better
person than I. Or at least a less discerning judge of talent. You
probably still like “American Idol.” Loser.
But it goes without saying that I, as well as the larger fashion
community, breathed a great sigh of relief when the decrepit and
still fabulously stunning Rivers made her triumphant (and a bit
messy) return to the red carpet along with her funny and moderately
younger sidekick-daughter Melissa. Only this year, they appeared on
the TV Guide channel, which apparently is attempting to upgrade its
status from “most boring channel ever” to some sort of
bizarre variety channel.
Of course, the Rivers fashionistas did their usual antics;
Melissa playfully squawked during interviews, “Don’t
worry, It’s the TV Guide channel; nobody’s watching it
anyway.” Joan, armed with an oversized tip jar, solicited
spare change from the likes of Morgan Freeman, Robin Williams and
others. She even managed to genuinely stun distinguished actress
Emily Watson of “The Life and Death of Peter Sellers”
fame by asking her if she had ever experienced “casting couch
troubles.”
And while Rivers might be really, really old, and a lot of times
totally out of it, that’s exactly why she is the best.
It’s also why Griffin is even better, and hopefully will
carry the torch across many red carpets to come.
So please, to those who hold the fate of the red carpet in their
hands, make a change. Another year of Jones and I’ll end up
in rehab right next to poor little Dakota.
E-mail Scott at jscott@media.ucla.edu.