When you were little, your parents told you not to talk to
strangers. And not to take candy from them.
Perhaps this is the reason why so many urban dwellers avoid all
possible contact with strangers. Don’t talk to anyone, smile,
or even look at strangers. Because, come on, we all know
they’re all looking for a little sugar.
Or are they?
Is it really necessary to walk around avoiding others’
faces in elevators, buses, classrooms, restaurants and so on? Why
do we put up poker faces all day while in public? Are we all
guarding our hands, suspecting everyone who talks of counting cards
““ or analogously, preparing pick-up lines that they think
could hit the jackpot?
If you asked, I assume some would say it’s because they
don’t feel like talking. Others are so absorbed in monogamous
relationships with their iPods and cell phones that they
don’t want anyone to interfere. Or they’d be too
oblivious to respond at all.
While the practice of talking to strangers in strange places can
sometimes yield a digit request or an awkward rejection, not all
interactions with strangers need be strange.
Asking someone for the time, for a glance at the newspaper or
for directions usually isn’t misconstrued as,
“You’re cute ““ would you like to go
out?”
Even if you don’t think random conversation can be
interpreted as flirting, someone you start a conversation with
might.
But why?
There’s no reason to be hardened against interaction just
because you assume innuendos will ensue. It’s possible to
talk to strangers while being stuck in line without coming across
as flirtatious.
You don’t think you have a tendency to be cold? Actually,
we all do.
For example, a very friendly friend of mine was telling me about
a nice, platonic conversation she had with a guy on the bus who she
had immediately been short with because she assumed he was out to
flirt with her. She felt bad about misjudging his intentions. And
sometimes you can misjudge people unintentionally.
For example, this summer I decided to test my theory and be more
friendly in public, and somehow this landed me a date invitation
while on an elliptical machine in Wooden.
But, hey, don’t sweat the awkward moments. What’s
the worst that could happen? You politely reject someone and feel
flattered that you were asked out in the first place. Or if they
seem normal enough you can always say yes.
The Los Angeles lifestyle itself breeds self-consciousness and
an isolationist mindset. After all, a city that’s built upon
the personal automobile will never be inherently friendly.
Most of us are used to traveling solo and keeping to ourselves,
singing loudly to the radio while there’s no one who can
overhear. So once we’re out of the car, why make conversation
with anyone?
We’re so used to living in our own little worlds that
there is often resistance to letting anyone else in ““ even if
that means being bored.
Try letting your frosty front melt in the L.A. sun. Stop being
paranoid and start feeling comfortable. It can make the bus ride to
campus much more fun, and maybe you’ll make a new friend.
Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor and can be seen
rockin’ out to her new iPod on the way to class. E-mail her
at lbonos@media.ucla.edu.