Welcome back.
Things seem different around here, don’t they?
Whether you sublet your apartment over the summer and returned
to find furniture trashed by strangers or are feeling disoriented
by the presence of a CVS Pharmacy and Urban Outfitters in Westwood,
things probably aren’t just as you left them.
And a note to our new freshmen: The next time you return home
after being away, your room, home or favorite high school hangout
will most likely be altered when you revisit them.
Nothing tangible left behind is ever guaranteed to look and feel
exactly the same or even resemble itself after a long vacation.
The intangible usually follows this law as well. So what does
this mean for love interests left idle for months, or even seasons,
at a time?
Does that cute guy who lived next door to you last year remember
he still owes you a movie night or that he still has your vacuum
from when he borrowed it last spring? What if he’s left and
moved blocks away without saying goodbye?
Does your study buddy from finals week still feel like making
out in between solving physics problems? Or does she have a new
partner after studying abroad in Australia this summer?
Will anything happen with that almost-relationship that was
kindled and then stifled just because it came to be during the
stress of dead week?
You’ve lain awake all summer, dreaming about that cutie in
your orientation group. Surely he’ll call you once he gets
moved in and you guys will pick up where you left off in July.
Or will you?
UCLA may feel like an impenetrable bubble sometimes ““
weirdly isolated from the rest of the world and even the rest of
Los Angeles ““ but we’re not immune to the uncertainty
of the real world.
This campus is paradoxically a very large place with a multitude
of intertwined communities, making it possible to never see some
people and never be able to escape others. You may never again run
into that hottie you met at a party this weekend, but you’ll
likely cross paths on a weekly basis with your high school crush
who just transferred here.
So what do you do when people and relationships aren’t as
they were when you last saw them?
With subletters you can sign contracts before move-in and demand
payment for a damaged desk or couch. With crushes, though, you
can’t take legal action for a broken heart. Sometimes
you’re better off moving on than straining to rekindle
withering flames.
There are situations when flirtation put on pause over summer
can crescendo into a relationship (or at least a date) by fall, but
your chances for success are exponentially greater if you
relax.
When approaching a crush after a full season has passed, a few
backward steps from where you left off are often necessary before
you regain ground or move forward.
You obviously have a lot of catching up to do, whether or not
you talked on the phone, online or occasionally in person during
summer. Even if you’ve been pining away for someone and
assume the feeling is mutual, the story isn’t always the same
on the other side. Take some time to re-energize a friendship
before you make a move or write off your stalled relationship as
failed.
If things don’t work out, you have plenty of time to find
an even cuter study partner by midterms.
Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu.