The extraordinary Abraham Lincoln famously said, “A house
divided against itself cannot stand.”
That saying is beginning to ring oh so true in my house, and we
have another extraordinary man to thank for that.
That man has entered the hearts and minds of Americans
everywhere.
That man has done things others haven’t even dreamed
of.
That man has made the impossible seem possible, and he has given
a voice to the voiceless.
That man, my friends, is Ken Jennings, 38-day
“Jeopardy!” champion.
He’s also my hero.
Maybe I slightly exaggerated his accomplishments, him being my
hero and all. He hasn’t really given a voice to the
voiceless. And no one actually dreams about being a
“Jeopardy!” champion 38 times over.
At least I hope not.
But let’s not discount what everyone’s favorite
Utahn (one from Utah) has done over the last eight weeks ““ he
has decimated his competition day in and day out, he has done that
same arrogant “fake shake of the head in disbelief when told
his total winnings” like clockwork, and he has won $1,321,600
in his time with Alex Trebek, the host of the show.
He has also divided my family, which is where I started this
column.
Please allow me to explain…
My mom is really, really good at Jeopardy! I’m fairly
decent, my dad can hang in there, and my brother celebrates like he
has hit a walk-off home run in Game 7 of the World Series with
every question he gets correct.
He averages around 10 home runs every show.
When we all watch together, my mom is the Ken Jennings of the
family. She reads faster than the rest of us; she knows more than
the rest of us; she beats us to almost every single answer.
It’s just not fun to play with her.
But ever since the real Ken Jennings has come along, my mom
refuses to watch the show.
The three men in the family, meanwhile, plan our entire night
around the 7:00 p.m. start time of “Jeopardy!”
What, it’s time for dinner? Not now, it’s time for
“Jeopardy!”
What mom, you say there’s someone trying to rob our house?
Tell them to wait until 7:30. Thanks.
Jennings has become a cult hero with the Regan men. We ask all
our friends if they have seen him. We talk about him more around
this place than any other singular topic. We analyze his clothing,
his patterns of speech, and the incredible rapport he has developed
with Trebek.
My mom, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the guy.
On this past Friday night, the night of Jennings’
record-breaking $75,000 performance, we couldn’t be around to
watch the show at 7:00 p.m. So we taped it, and watched it when we
got back from dinner. My mom went upstairs to play piano, saying
she was sick of Ken’s little weasel face ““ she also
already knew the result.
So we watched it, my dad, my brother, and myself, and we loved
it. We loved when Ken risked $10,000 on the first Daily Double of
Double Jeopardy! We loved when he found the next Daily Double
several questions later, and added another $6,200 to his total.
We love the carnage.
We love the utter dominance.
We love Ken Jennings.
But my mom does not, and on Saturday I tried to get to the
bottom of why she seems to hate the innocent computer programmer
who has captured America.
My brother showed her a part of the tape, and we put it to her
straight ““ Why don’t you like Ken?
“He’s unpleasant to look at,” she said.
Now that’s just uncalled for. You don’t just insult
someone’s appearance like that, especially someone like Ken
Jennings.
My brother wasn’t having it, that’s for sure.
“He’s a pretty cute guy,” my brother
replied.
And he’s right. Ken is a pretty cute guy. The way he drew
the symbol that Prince changed himself to before becoming Prince
again ““ that was cute.
The way he said, “What are the munchies, man?” when
he gave that one answer. That was cute, too. Ken is as endearing as
he is dominating, man.
We continued to prod our mom, and I think I finally figured it
out.
My mom feels sorry for the other contestants. She empathizes
with them. She feels that they have worked too hard in qualifying
to be thrown to the notorious wolf that is Ken Jennings. She feels
like he’s a big bully, and no one has a chance. She
doesn’t like to watch because she says the show isn’t
fun anymore. He’s the fastest to ring in; he knows
everything; he’s cocky.
She just might have a point. Ken is kind of like the Yankees. He
always wins; he’s tenacious and unyielding. He is a Jeopardy!
man among boys and girls, and he is rarely challenged.
Since I have started watching Ken, I have not seen a Final
Jeopardy! in which he could potentially lose the game. He always
has more than double the money of his next closest competitor.
He intimidates them into silly answers and ridiculous
wagers.
Ken Jennings is a machine.
But we like him. We like him because he is so damn good. We
appreciate him because he takes care of business. But now he will
be out of our lives for six weeks while Jeopardy! shows rerun for
the rest of the summer.
It will give the family time to mend the wounds that have
developed over the last 38 episodes.
But come the beginning of September, Ken will be back. And
I’ll be right here waiting for him, hoping the house is still
standing.
E-mail him at dregan@media.ucla.edu.