As I get older, I take more time to reflect on the past.
I’ve been thinking about my successes and failures in high
school and how I was such an idiot back then (even more so now,
some say). Even further back, I think about the time I stole candy
from Vons and my dad caught me. I sobbed as I returned it to the
store manager. (It was last week actually.) The point is memories
are important, and there is no doubt that your most important
collegiate memories are created freshman year.
There is much talk about the importance of one’s freshman
year in terms of self-reliance, maturation and education. For
example, you may learn how to assist your friends in completing a
keg stand (education, maturation). You may also learn how to get
your parents to put more money on your Bruin Card for
“books” (self-reliance).
Your freshman year may be filled with memories of theft and
drunkenness (and I can’t really remember what else), but what
you will cherish most are the memories of UCLA athletics.
That’s right, memories of brisk fall afternoons at the Rose
Bowl cheering on the football team or warm winter nights cheering
on the men’s basketball team at Pauley Pavilion. But those
aren’t the only athletics you should remember. Because while
you live in the dorms, you should take advantage of the opportunity
to play dorm sports.
I believe it was the French novelist/playwright Albert Camus
(isn’t it weird how you don’t pronounce the
“s” in his last name?) who once said that all sports
are best played in the hallways of dimly lit, musty
dormitories ““ not outdoors. Remembering
Camus’ famous assertion, I now think back to the many dorm
sports I played as a freshman ““ games in which you, too, may
partake.
Probably the coolest dorm sports to utilize the long hallways of
the UCLA residence halls are desk-chair racing and desk-chair shot
put. Another favorite sport is yelling at people in De Neve Plaza
and then ducking. Finally, many people enjoy the ever-popular
Frisbee. It should be noted that playing Madden ’04 on your
PlayStation 2 does not count as playing football in the dorms, but
nice try.
The sport of desk-chair racing requires superb hand-eye
coordination, mental acuity and brute strength. In this
definitively American sport, two contestants line up at one end of
a dormitory hallway. (I practiced this sport in Hedrick Hall
““ 7 North to be exact) each sitting in his desk chair (with
wheels, natch). When a lovely coed waves her kerchief, the
contestants put the pedal to medal, propelling themselves down the
hallway. Whoever reaches the other end of the hallway first wins
the race. I actually modified my stock chair to make it more
potent. I added a chromed intake, a special exhaust and some gold
rims.
Solid gold.
In desk-chair shot put, a contestant sits in his wheel-equipped
chair and is then given a heave by his partner. The judge (ask your
resident adviser if she wouldn’t mind judging) then measures
the distance the athlete has been heaved. The athlete who has made
it farthest down the hallway wins the event.
Yelling at people in De Neve Plaza is a relatively new sport
that has gained mass acceptance and mass appeal. In this sport, a
player spots someone walking in the plaza and, then, from the
comfort of his dorm room, shouts at that person before ducking out
of sight. The person in the plaza is bewildered when he cannot find
the yeller. The player receives points for each walker he
bewilders.
“You might yell, “˜Hey, you, in the red shirt,’
before ducking under the window,” senior Jessica Mackenzie
said. “Then they look around and they think it’s
someone in the plaza. You get to watch their confused reaction.
It’s a tough and decidedly intense sport.”
If you don’t like these sports, you can always play
Frisbee in the dorm hallways. Unless you are a really accurate
Frisbee tosser, something crazy surely will happen. Take it from
there.
Oh, and, by the way, I wouldn’t invite your R.A. to judge
desk-chair shot put. I was getting a little overzealous back there.
It’s just that when the memories come flooding back, I
can’t help myself.
Miller says, “Be responsible when playing any dorm
sport.” Email him at dmiller@media.ucla.edu to discuss
gazpacho.