During freshman orientation, I made a promise to myself. I
decided I would, over the course of my four years of study, eat at
each and every one of the restaurants in Westwood Village before I
graduate in spring 2005.
And now, as my deadline is little more than a year away,
I’m beginning to get nervous that I won’t make it. That
I will put on my cap and gown and walk down the aisle to receive my
diploma and yet not complete one of the first goals I set for
myself upon coming to college.
The part that made my lack of progress disheartening was that it
was a goal that seemed easily achievable. And then I realized it
really doesn’t matter so much if I graduate having never
eaten at Tanino’s.
And yet, so many deceptively simple goals and expectations when
it comes to college life ““ and dating in college, in
particular ““ go unrealized.
What was the No. 1 item on your list of goals and expectations
for your undergrad romantic escapades? Have sex for the first time?
Or simply be kissed? Experience a threesome, fivesome, sixsome?
Or was it a one-night stand or experi-mentation with the same or
opposite sex ““ or whatever was outside your status quo upon
high school graduation? What about seducing a hot teaching
assistant for a better grade and bragging rights?
Whatever your goal, simple or surreal, I’m here to tell
you it doesn’t matter if you attain it. All that matters is
that you have no regrets.
So if you’ve been pining after a certain person and
haven’t made your move or have always dreamt of a drunken or
(gasp!) sober random hook-up and just haven’t orchestrated it
yet, now is your chance.
College is the time to have all those experiences if you want
them, but not to force them upon yourself to meet some silly
deadline if meanings mean more to you than completing a
checklist.
And hey, guess what? According to the Arthur Ashe Student Health
and Wellness Center, 61 percent of undergraduates under 21 have not
had sexual intercourse.
I think it’s safe to say most of that 61 percent is not
abstinent by choice. So if having sex was on your list,
you’re not the only one who isn’t meeting your
goals.
But unlike academic or career goals, there’s little
last-minute cramming or internships can do to help you realize
sexual experiential goals.
But that doesn’t necessarily matter. If your goal is to
have sex just to have sex, then so be it. But if you want it to
mean something, you can’t chart out a timeline or a
checklist. And if that means graduating a virgin when you’d
rather not and this is causing you stress, chill out.
A friend of mine once told me he never has expectations so that
he is never disappointed when something doesn’t work out.
Now, I have trouble believing he never has any expectations
because I think this is humanly impossible, but his advice has some
weight to it ““ even if it is too heavy to carry out
completely.
So if you’re getting a little antsy because an
experiential deadline is fast approaching, slow down and repeal
this absurd notion of expected cumulative progress. (It’s
easier to do in this sense than it is to convince the
administration to let you take 12 units a quarter your entire
senior year.)
Go out, dance on tables or bars, celebrate (after midterms and
before finals), and end this year or your college career with a
bang ““ but only if you want to.
Bonos is the 2003-2004 copy chief. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu if you have had a meal at every eatery in
Westwood.