Nice guys don’t just finish last. Half the time, they
don’t even get to race.
Somewhere along the way, being diagnosed as a nice guy became a
prognosis for romantic quarantine. Somehow, compassion and
generosity became qualities considered about as important as
penmanship and shoe-tying style.
Kindness became synonymous with friendship while thoughtlessness
became equitable to dating.
“Treat a girl like dirt, and she will stick to you like
mud.” At first glance, such a messy saying would seem to hold
about as much water as a puddle. But in truth, it is deeper than
you may think.
Frankly, for many young women, nice guys can be a scary
proposition. No girl dreams about marrying a jerk who will treat
her badly, or about growing old with a fool whose bumblings have
made sadness a facet of the household. A girl’s fairy tale is
to settle down with a boy who helps make every day the best day of
her life. She looks for a man who will make her smile right after
she wakes up in the morning and right before she goes to sleep at
night. She wants someone to rely on, to depend on and to hold on
to. That is the desired future.
But alas, it is now the present. It is the time to enjoy youth
and have fun. For university students, it is that strange place
between adolescence and adulthood. We want the responsibilities of
age along with the freedoms of immaturity. This holds true in
relationships.
Ladies will take notice of those gentlemen who listen and offer
an unflinching shoulder. They will be touched by selfless efforts
and moved by poignant words. There are some girls who will even
realize that these are the right ones who will bring them the most
happiness.
Sadly though, there are even more women who will chase other
boys, the ones who inevitably bring on the tears. These girls will
then return to their nice guys, who will build them back up so the
cycle can repeat itself.
But why do the truly nice guys allow this? Why does this
imminent last-place finish not discourage undying graciousness?
Frankly, because the real nice guys are simply not competing. They
do not put on a kind face for their own personal gain. Their work
is not done to enhance their own image. Their magnanimity is there
first and foremost to brighten the days of others. And because a
nice guy truly cares about someone close to him, he will often
sacrifice his own feelings for the sake of another’s.
There is one other certainty when it comes to the question of
nice guys finishing last ““ not everyone who claims to be a
victim actually is. For some guys, it is easier to rationalize that
they were passed aside because they were being too nice rather than
accepting the true facts of the situation.
Explaining why each “Star Trek” series was
distinctly brilliant does not make you a nice guy. Offering to
make-out with a girl right after she has vomited does not make you
a nice guy. And a courtesy flush is definitely not a random act of
kindness.
In many ways, truly nice guys do finish last. But instead of
being handicapped by their gifts for sincerity, they stay true to
themselves and continue to look on the bright side. Nice guys, and
girls, keep up their mission of kindness simply because it is who
they are.
In today’s society, altruism is not only rare, it’s
also unappreciated. We expect someone to say “bless
you” every time we sneeze. We casually pass through as
someone holds the door open for us. We cry to friends about our
problems, but then fail to listen when they want to discuss theirs.
To those wonderfully nice people who constantly give, the greatest
reward is often a simple thank you. But all too often, they
don’t even get that.
For those of you who spend your days trying to bring joy to
others, realize there is a silver lining to being nice. Whether you
are rewarded for your actions or not, they genuinely impact others.
By bringing a smile to someone’s face, you have given the
greatest gift a person can give. Your prize is that you can sleep
knowing you are a good person, and you are living life the way it
should be lived. You are appreciated beyond words. It may not seem
like much, but to those that you are helping, it can be
everything.
Pfohl is a fourth-year history and political science
student. E-mail him at jpfohl@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments
to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.