The first week of spring quarter has drawn to a close, and I
already know it’s going to be a great few months for UCLA
athletics.
Spring football began last Wednesday, Dijon Thompson announced
that he would make himself eligible for the NBA draft, and last
Monday I finished third in my buddies’ NCAA Tournament pool,
winning $25.
That payout whetted my appetite, and as a result I dove
headfirst into the world of gambling, learning how to play
hold’em poker and tracking the betting lines on all major
sporting events, everywhere, all the time.
I’ve picked an exciting time to get into gambling. Last
Saturday, Chris Duhon’s last-second 38-foot three-pointer in
Duke’s one-point loss to Connecticut in the Final Four made
for an epic money exchange. Some estimates peg the cost of
Duhon’s shot at $100 million. That is to say, up to $100
million was transferred from those who bet on Connecticut to cover
the spread (of two points) to those who picked Duke to cover.
I know this made a lot of people unhappy, but I had Pacific
beating Nevada in the championship, so I didn’t mind it one
bit.
But all of this got me to thinking that maybe these Las Vegas
betting lines aren’t that accurate. Maybe I should make the
odds.
Since most of you are compulsive gamblers and there is a
campus-wide debate raging about Dijon’s decision, here are my
odds for UCLA basketball players going in June’s NBA Draft.
Get your bets in early. (Note: I’ve never been to Las Vegas
““ my parents say I wouldn’t like it because everything
smells like cigarette smoke.)
First, I’m going to come out and state what everyone else
is thinking, but is too afraid to say: I’m giving 5-4 odds
that Dijon Thompson will be a first-round NBA draft pick.
You know I hate to say this, because the Bruins really need
Dijon to anchor the basketball team next year as a senior. But
it’s the truth. His natural jumper, hardy defense, quickness
and general tenaciousness all tell me that Dijon can have an
immediate impact in the NBA.
After the Lakers’ loss to the Kings on Sunday,
here’s hoping they pick Dijon and start rebuilding.
Secondly, I will address the other campus-wide debate: whether
T.J. Cummings will be an NBA draft pick. I’ll give 2-1 odds
that T.J. gets drafted because I know the NBA likes big guys who
can shoot and likes shorn heads better than cornrows.
T.J. could play small forward in the pros, or beef up and play
power forward. I’m so sure T.J. will get drafted I bet on it
with another friend.
If Cummings is selected in either round of the draft my buddy
has to buy me a burrito from Tommy’s, and vice versa. If you
need more evidence that T.J. will get drafted, my roommate was
playing a pickup game on campus and said T.J. was in the gym
playing too. He told me T.J. was ballin’ kids up.
Well, T.J., I should hope you’re better than the guys who
play at Wooden because YOU WERE ON THE REAL TEAM, NOT SOME FAKE IM
TEAM CALLED “B-BALL BALLIN’ BASHERS.”
With that said, Cummings is a very marketable NBA player ““
think of all the cool slogans a team could come up with if they had
T.J. on its roster. How about, “T.J. Cummings: He puts the
“˜J’ in jump shot.” Or “The “˜T’
Stands for Tubular, the “˜J’ stands for Jammer.”
Either of those slogans work, and they would look good on mugs and
Pez dispensers.
By the way, all that stuff about Dijon Thompson ““ I
actually think the opposite of everything I wrote.
You might be thinking that since this column is coming to a
close, I myself would use a funny double entendre or play on words
to end it, thus relating back to what I just wrote about T.J.
Cummings.
Maybe something like, “Use my betting odds and you will
bring a little bit of “˜T’ and “˜J’ into your
own life: Thunderous Joy.”
But that isn’t very funny, and I can’t think of
anything else.
E-mail Miller at dmiller@media.ucla.edu.