It’s time to challenge yourself this quarter. Don’t
take 21 units or work two jobs just to push yourself. Rather, force
yourself to take risks that may make you cringe and finally ask
your crush out on a date.
Although it’s hard to tell the difference between seasons
in eternally sunny Southern California, this lack of temperature
change is reason enough to make a conscious effort to take risks
and jump outside your comfort zone if you’re looking to land
a spring sweetheart. You’ve set your clocks ahead one hour,
but have you thought about turning your risk-taking up a notch as
well?
During spring break, I spent an hour on the phone with Harlan
Cohen, a syndicated advice columnist, on the subject of college
dating and common problems students write him about. Citing popular
student ails as having one’s eye on another even while in a
relationship and the embarrassing yet common, “I walked in on
my boyfriend/girlfriend masturbating to porn/cheating/etc.,”
Cohen highlights a lack of confidence as the main obstacle students
face. So, to combat this apprehension plaguing students everywhere,
Cohen has taken this risk-taking mind-set and combined it with the
goal of research to create the International Rejection Project.
Though college largely is focused on intense thought and
intellectual stimulation, it’s also a place where one needs
to put the analysis skills to rest when attempting to woo a
classmate successfully.
When it comes to dating, Cohen says, “People sit around
and think too much.” To counter this habit, through the
International Rejection Project and his letters to readers, he
pushes for the difficult, honest route, which undoubtedly yields
more fruitful results than sitting around and thinking, “I
wonder if so-and-so likes me.” And although the name of his
project may connote failure, the success is in the act of
risk-taking and is not contingent upon the outcome.
“If you do something and it doesn’t turn out how you
thought, that’s OK. You’ve done it,” Cohen said.
That’s just what the project asks for ““ records of
times you went out on a limb for love, life or the pursuit of
happiness. And regardless of whether you record the risks you take,
each risk emboldens you and gives you the courage to take the next
one.
So, spring forward into this quarter with a brighter outlook on
life and love. Add an item to your class syllabus and take a risk
““ stop stalking your special someone and make a move.
Don’t keep the results to yourself as secret studies on your
love life ““ share your crush’s acceptance or rejection
with the world. Or at least with a few close friends.
If we don’t learn how to take risks in college (where
it’s relatively easy to meet people and date), it will be
even harder to get into relationships in the real world.
As my friend Harlan describes it, “If people in college
are in a room long enough, they hook up ““ especially if
there’s alcohol involved. So, if you don’t find someone
you want to stay with in college, you’re not in rooms anymore
““ unless you work together ““ and most people
don’t know what to do.”
While it may sound silly and sad in such frank terms, he’s
right. Many college students hook up and then continue to
“accidentally date,” without the trial benefit of a
date invitation, getting-to-know-you-period, or Jane Austen-esque
courting stage.
But if you quit thinking about the possible rejection, you can
focus on the possible acceptance, take a risk and be pleasantly
surprised.
After all, Harlan Cohen met his wife while making copies at
Mailboxes, Etc. He struck up a conversation, asked for her number,
called her up, and the rest is history. Now, you could head over to
the Pulse copy center in Ackerman and start eyeing the customers,
but I suggest copying this model of confident risk-taking ““
being careful to avoid the abrasive sleaze of over-eagerness
““ and take Cohen’s story to heart, literally.
Bonos is the 2003-2004 copy chief. She ran out of
Kinko’s during spring break when a guy started talking to
her, blaming her haste on an overdue meter. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu. For more on the International Rejection
Project, visit www.helpmeharlan.com.