On Monday night at the Staples Center, everyone from that guy
who was in “Who’s The Boss?” to some other dude
from “Saved By The Bell: The New Class” was watching a
Cleveland Cavalier rookie.
Jason Kapono.
Well, no, Tony Danza was probably there to see LeBron James
play, but I was there to watch the real future of the NBA ““
our very own headband-clad Kapono. Yes, Kapono is still in the NBA
after two months, and believe it or not, he actually sees playing
time, albeit for the lowly Cavaliers. And before I go any further,
yes, he still wears a headband.
While most of the local media was gearing up for LeBron’s
first game against the Lakers, I was most excited to attend an
entirely different event ““ Kapono’s first game against
the Lakers. (Philosophy students, take note: I am positing that it
was a different event psychologically, not literally.)
Because I am from Los Angeles, I arrived to the game late. As I
pushed past ticket scalpers prowling around the entrance to Staples
Center, I wondered what kind of spectacle I was in for. Would
Kapono hit the game-winning shot? Would I lead the crowd in an
8-clap? Upon entering the arena, I bought some sushi and a slushi
(note: those are almost the same words) at the concessions stand
and took my seat midway through the first-quarter.
Kapono entered the game with 40.8 seconds left in the first
quarter to a smattering of boos and applause. I cheered. On the
first offensive play he participated in, he ran straight to the
three-point arc and waited for a pass that never came. When he
returned to the bench with 6:51 left in the first half, he had
tallied two missed shots and grabbed a rebound. At this point I
asked all the fans sitting near me, “IS THIS A
BASKETBALL?”
The other guy from “Bosom Buddies” (not Tom Hanks)
who was in attendance, told me that, yes, it was a basketball.
At halftime I roamed the Staples Center foyer, hoping to engage
some Angelenos in some analysis of Kapono’s first-half play.
I happened to see Mark McGrath and his Sugar Ray cohorts animatedly
talking about some rookie phenom, so I stood uncomfortably close to
the singer and eavesdropped on the conversation. Sadly, McGrath was
talking about LeBron James. What’s the big deal about James?
Sure, his career-high is 37 points, while Kapono’s best is
only 16.
But you know what LeBron’s career-high for college classes
attended is? Zero. I bet Kapono beats that by at least a few.
I settled back into my seat for the second half but it was
pretty boring because Kapono didn’t get to play much. I
contemplated asking Jack Nicholson “IS THAT A COURT?”
but the threat of force kept me in check. Much to my delight,
Kapono re-entered the game with 10:54 remaining in the contest, and
then with 8:56 left in the game, magic happened.
Kapono nailed a three-pointer, and all of the sudden I was
transported back to the glory days in Pauley when his
three-pointers dropped like Ja Rule’s street cred after he
began performing duets with Ashanti.
All in all, Kapono played 13 minutes, and finished with three
points on 1-of-4 shooting. And he did that without his own pair of
signature basketball shoes. LeBron played 37 minutes and had 16
points on 6-of-20 shooting wearing shoes modeled after his
Hummer.
I love hybrid cars!
6-of-20 shooting is nothing to be proud of, but don’t get
me wrong. I know that LeBron is halfway decent. But, he is
obviously copying Jason with that headband.
Since the Lakers had the game in the bag and because I am from
L.A., I left the game early to get more sushi. As I walked to my
car, I wondered what Kapono was doing. Perhaps he was joking around
with teammate Zydrunas Ilgauskas.
I bet Jason and Zydrunas have a lot in common because they are
both tall.
E-mail Miller at dmiller@media.ucla.edu.