It seems news does not take a holiday vacation. As finals ended
last quarter and UCLA turned into a veritable ghost town, several
important events unfolded for the world to see. So many, in fact,
that I thought I would dedicate my first column of 2004 to
reviewing some of these major stories. So without further ado, here
is an update on the happenings of the past three weeks.
Certainly, the biggest story during the past month was the
capture of Saddam Hussein. For far too long, critics of the war in
Iraq had complained that President Bush did not know his ass from a
hole in the ground. How fitting then, that it was an actual hole in
the ground where U.S. forces would find the former Iraqi
dictator.
The “Butcher of Baghdad” came out of that burrow
resembling the Chia Pet I wanted for Christmas ““ with just a
little more dirt seeding the hair. Bringing an end to fear over his
tyranny was an astonishing holiday gift to the world. Now Hussein
can look forward to a trial by the Iraqi people. His jury will be
made up of those very same people who he so venomously and
systematically sought to oppress. He will frankly soon be Shiite
out of luck.
Despite Hussein’s arrest, however, the United States did
face increased security risks at home. Our terror alert warning
went to orange at about the same time that Michael Jackson was
allegedly converting to Islam. Coincidence?
Received intelligence even grounded flights from Paris to Los
Angeles on Christmas Eve due to terrorism concerns. Possibly hit
the hardest by these groundings was Santa Claus, who was in France
delivering millions of lumps of coal. Thankfully, alternate travel
plans were soon established and he made his American deliveries as
planned.
The United States also faced a new threat from another source
““ mad cow disease. The first confirmed case of U.S. mad cow
disease came from a cow in Washington state that had originally
come from the Alberta province of Canada. First the Canadians give
us Tom Green and now mad cow ““ they will not rest until every
American is violently ill!
The presence of mad cow disease in the United States has quickly
brought about demands to change beef labels to include the
meat’s point of origin. Some are even using it in their
crusade to bring about widespread vegetarianism. I however, am
still a firm believer that if God wanted us to be vegetarians he
would have made cows out of lettuce.
Further proving to us that we have no need to fear the beasts of
this world was Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. A swarm of
controversy arose when he held his 1-month-old son while feeding a
13-foot-long crocodile. Irwin will not face any criminal charges of
child endangerment.
We have “take your child to work” days here in the
States; maybe they have the same in Australia. If anything, Irwin
should heed the tragic lessons of past animal entertainment acts.
Thankfully Roy Horn got to return home from the hospital in time to
celebrate Christmas.
And finally, Britney Spears got married in Las Vegas last
weekend. I was a little surprised to see she wore a ball cap and
jeans to her own wedding. After all, she did have that lovely
wedding dress from when she performed with Madonna at the MTV Video
Music Awards. If anything, Spears’ marriage should be a sign
to everyone that there is a God. One moment she is a married woman
completely off the market and the next, after a flooding of
prayers, it is as if the marriage never happened. Spears has said
that the marriage was just a joke that went too far. Many will
point out that the same can be said about her music career.
So there you have it, a recap of some of the major news stories
of the last few weeks. The holidays certainly do bring out the best
in people. Welcome back to school and good luck this winter
quarter.
E-mail Pfohl at jpfohl@media.ucla.edu.