The two biggest sporting events of 2003 were my 21st birthday
and I’m so drunk I can’t remember what else.
Just kiiiiiiidddding. But seriously, for the past few weeks you
have been bombarded with the “biggest sports stories of
2003″ ““ and I bet you are tired of hearing about
’em ““ so let’s just talk about the future of UCLA
athletics and my birthday.
I turned 21 on Dec. 20. And now that I am of age, I can legally
participate in all of the drunken revelry that goes on in bars
““ playing pool, getting in bar fights, and vomiting. Most
importantly, it is from these bars that I will take in the great
UCLA sporting events of ’04.
I will spend winter quarter (and the rest of my life) slumped on
a stool, watching our men’s basketball team ““ the real
ticket until the rowing squad commences competition in April.
If you happened to be watching Fox Sports Net’s
“Southern California Sports Report” from your local
watering hole this week, you probably spilled your beer in your lap
when you heard that Janou Rubin was named the Pac-10 Player of the
Week.
While I was staying in Northern California for New Years,
contemplating how to pick a good bar fight, Rubin was taking care
of business in Los Angeles.
Rubin was key in the Bruin sweep of the Oregon schools to start
Pac-10 play, averaging 13 points in the two wins. Important to
note, he is a sociology major. More importantly, the former walk-on
gives the team something it has lacked ““ guts. And this is
the big story to discuss this season, whether a gutty UCLA team can
exceed expectations.
But I have to tell you, I am most concerned with the 1964
throwback jerseys the Bruins have been sporting. The jerseys were
first unveiled for the Michigan State game, and it appears the team
will wear them until it suffers a loss.
The new taupe (What’s taupe?) and azure (Are they azure?)
jerseys look great.
So, cheer for the Bruins at Maloney’s if you want them to
keep wearing those jerseys, baby!
I know I will be, in between eating buffalo wings and
vomiting.
Since you’ll be watching the Bruins in your local bar, why
not liven it up with some drinking games? For example, take a shot
every time Cedric Bozeman misses a free throw. Wait, don’t do
that. I can’t afford to be sued by the parents of irate
students after they learn their child got alcohol poisoning from
playing my little game.
I guess if I can’t play any UCLA-themed drinking games, I
might as well get in bar fights.
Over winter break, I made it my mission to get into a bar fight.
I was staying in Palo Alto, and with South San Jose nearby, I got
to thinking of one scenario: I could just walk into a bar in South
San Jose, find a local and remind him that he was from South San
Jose. Once this reality set in, he’d become sad/angry and
probably try to beat me up (This instigating method also works in
Fresno ““ or anywhere in the Central Valley for that
matter).
However, I never made it to a seedy San Jose bar, partly because
I got caught up in all the bowl game hysteria but mostly because
the friend I was staying with had TiVo. We watched 12 hours of
“The View.”
This whole being-21-thing opens up a world of possibilities
““ and I’m not just talking about playing pool in bars,
which I hear you can’t even do in Westwood. No, I’m
talking about drinking at sporting events.
The beer will flow for me at Dodgers and Lakers games (well,
probably not at Lakers games because beers are $8 a pop there).
Now, I can actually live beer commercials. You know, “I like
football on TV, shots of Gena Lee … and … and … John
Hoffart.”
Miller wants you to sigh and shake your head in disagreement
as you read this column. E-mail him at dmiller@media.ucla.edu and
sigh.