Machines peeved, threaten humanity

Movies have long taught us what to fear. I personally have been
scared to death of great white sharks ever since that suspenseful
movie “Mary Poppins.”

However, the opening of “The Matrix: Revolutions”
last week, along with the DVD release of “Terminator
3,” have brought a very critical question back into
discussion. This quandary is so important that the future of the
human race might rest on its answer. The question: Why are the
machines so pissed at us?

There is a plethora of possible theories that date back as far
as the Industrial Revolution as to the machines’ anger. Maybe
it is the fact that we didn’t send them flowers enough or
that we tightened their nuts a little too much. Maybe they were
just sick and tired of everyone slapping and kicking them every
time it seemed they stopped working.

Ever since the classic film “The Wizard of Oz” we
have known that the mechanical Tin Man is heartless and not to be
trusted.

Some of you may not be convinced as to the threat of technology
or might believe that this threat is years away. Believe me when I
say the events of this week show that the machines are a clear and
present danger.

On Tuesday, Garry Kasparov tried to show the digital world that
the humans were not going down without a fight. For three hours and
20 minutes, man and machine battled in the first of four scheduled
games of chess. Through the same logic that annually puts the
National Spelling Bee on ESPN, the match was televised on
ESPN2.

My Super Chess Bowl party was awesome. Barbecue roaring, giant
foam bishops, big screen TV ““ our get-together had it all.
But it soon came time to focus on the clash for eternal supremacy.
In the grueling hours to come, the only thing that would seem more
mechanical than the supercomputer X3D Fritz would be the voices of
the event’s commentators.

X3D Fritz is a combination machine and program that, aside from
an expert-level mastering of chess, allows the game to be played in
3D virtual reality. This innovation was cheered by nerds who loved
the game of chess but were dismayed by its physicality.

The Russian he-man Kasparov, the chess master of the universe,
has gone to work against the machines before. He took on the
Israeli program Deep Junior earlier this year, a battle that ended
in a draw. He is famously known, however, for his failure in 1997,
when he lost the sixth and decisive match in a tournament against
the IBM super-thinking machine Deep Blue.

Humanity was fortunate that his loss did not trigger the machine
march for power. We cannot expect to have the same luck again this
time.

Agent Smith, aka X3D Fritz, sent his rooks out like sentinels
after Kasparov. The human fought back, and their first encounter
ended in a draw.

Where the chess series and subsequently all of civilization goes
from here will soon be seen. I think I have a solution, should
Kasparov run into problems in a coming match. One must know thine
enemy and exploit his weaknesses.

Therefore, if Kasparov sees his own checkmate as eminent, then
he must go up to the supercomputer and unplug it from the wall.
This should stop its binary drive of destruction. If not, then
heaven help us.

Even as the data processors plot against us there is no debate
as to our dependency on them. When the Northeast blackout in August
robbed 50 million people of electricity, the masses had to resort
to unthinkable acts like reading and meaningful conversation. PCs
were rendered useless, leaving millions of e-mails unread. Students
could not relax to a rousing game of Snood. Life was a living
hell.

Computers are not the only form of technology that have a hold
on mankind. While it’s true that in the era of “In
Gates We Antitrust” the capabilities of thinking machines
make for revolutionary achievement, other innovations are having
just as much of an effect on us.

We live in the U.S. of ADHD and rely on industrial advancements
to keep us occupied. Cellular phones are no longer just for mobile
communication; they are also for games, calculating and taking
pictures. Now that the Internet is accessible on many mobile
phones, you can even download porn onto your cell. Wasn’t it
hard enough driving with only one free hand?

The machines have us right where they want us ““ dependent
on technology for our every need. Kasparov must win his series to
send a message to those piles of circuits that we made them and we
can break them.

If he loses, however, then we must begin looking for our chosen
one to lead us against the machines as they try to overrun us.
Could Ted Kaczynski be our Neo? His alias might as well be
Nostradamus, as his prophecies are coming true.

The Oracle has told us it is time to bite the bytes. We will
fight back against the machines, even though we still can’t
even program our own VCRs.

Pfohl is a fourth-year history and political science
student. E-mail him at jpfohl@media.ucla.edu. Send general comments
to viewpoint@media.ucla.edu.

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