Every time I sit down to write a column, I get a bad feeling.
You see, I’m a liberal college student, and I want to
influence people and make the world a better place with my writing,
but most students at UCLA already agree with me.
If I bash President Bush and say he’s a bumbling idiot, my
friends will laugh and give me a high five. If I write columns
supporting affirmative action, more government spending on
education and a higher minimum wage, many of you will read my
column as a confirmation of your own beliefs. Those students who
disagree with me will likely disregard my arguments as reactionary
liberal cant, and at the end of my day, I’ll be disappointed
with having written another column that didn’t have any
meaningful impact whatsoever.
This realization gives me a terrible feeling of powerlessness
because I think our country is at a crossroads ““ and I want
to make a difference. I think Bush is the worst president in recent
memory. I think he is devastating the economy, the environment and
our relationship with other countries. I think the 2004 election
will be of immense importance. And I think Democrats will need to
band together and strengthen their message to take Bush down.
But I don’t know who to influence or how to make Democrats
listen. I don’t know toward whom to focus my arguments in
order to make the biggest impact.
Or, at least I didn’t know until now.
After reading some excerpts of Michael Moore’s new book,
“Dude, Where’s My Country?” about how to talk to
a conservative relative, I realized the best place to find
potential converts to help overthrow the evil empire was within my
own bloodline. I’ve decided to help the Democrats win in 2004
by influencing my family. And if you want the Democrats to succeed,
you will do the same.
Think about it, if your family is like mine, you’ve got
conservatives scattered on just about every branch of the family
tree. I have a grandmother who voted for Ronald Reagan. I have some
cousins who have cast ballots for the Bush boys. I think I even
have an aunt who voted for Ross Perot. Many of you probably have
conservative parents. And I know you have a relative who voted for
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Rather than wasting your time and energy on UCLA students by
arguing with Bruin Republicans or preaching to the choir of campus
Democrats, head home to your next family gathering armed with an
arsenal of facts, figures and arguments that can rock the
foundation of a
not-that-staunchly-conservative-but-still-Republican family member.
A blood relative is more likely to listen to your arguments
intently than a conservative friend or student who thinks
you’re just another liberal tree hugger. You actually have a
chance of winning them over.
Be prepared to explain to your uncle who lost his job because of
the terrible economy that most Americans make money from a steady
job, not stock dividends, so tax cuts aren’t helping him as
much as he thinks. Tell him about the steadily increasing gap
between the wealthy and the poor and how people living below the
poverty line are more likely to spend a higher percentage of their
tax cuts. Tell him that compared to other industrialized nations,
Americans are undertaxed, not overtaxed, and that he should shut up
about the measly California car tax increase.
Take 15 minutes to talk to your conservative cousin about how
being tough on some crimes, such as possession of marijuana, can
end up costing taxpayers a bundle to build prisons that hold petty
criminals for longer terms than they deserve. Take 20 minutes to
inform your conservative aunt that the United States is the only
nation with any economic strength that does not have some form of
national health care and that having the federal government cover
everyone with basic health care is not communism.
And if you’ve accomplished all that, take 30 minutes to
talk to everyone you know about the long-term benefits of
investment in education. Tell them how educated people commit fewer
crimes, do fewer drugs, create more jobs, stay off welfare, and
help out in their communities more than uneducated people. Convince
them that investing in education now might just pay off for them
someday down the road.
Next time you go home be ready to convert a conservative. Pose
them a question from Michael Moore’s new book and ask,
“Honestly, weren’t you doing better as a conservative
under Clinton?”
Burke is a fifth-year political science student and former
Viewpoint editor. E-mail him at dburke@media.ucla.edu.