Whenever I’m asked “Are you in a house?” or
“Are you Greek?” I always answer:”No, I
don’t need to join a house; I am Greek.”
Being a Greek Jew (and having no luck in the search for another
Jewish Bruin of Greek heritage), I found the next best thing: a
Jewish frat guy. Our relationship ended about two pledge quarters
ago, but I have to say I learned a lot about cross-cultural dating.
That’s right ““ the union of a Greek and a non-Greek
Greek.
It may be easy to decide not to join a sorority or fraternity,
but what do you do when the person you’re dating also has a
monogamous relationship with two or three Greek letters?
While listening to your boyfriend and his bros singing lewd
songs and pounding beer on the buses to football games and date
parties may entice you to de-pledge from your significant
other’s heart, there are ways to cope.
You can look out the window, withdrawn and upset that your
significant other is perpetuating our culture’s
objectification of women through rowdy, out-of-tune singing. You
can stress your discordance with the tradition and suggest an
alternate form of transportation. Or you can just go along for the
ride.
What’s important is not to take the Greek system too
seriously ““ whether you’re in it, dating someone who is
or just denouncing its existence.
Rush can be difficult and time-consuming for those vying for a
spot in a house, but what about those already active in Greek life
who also have a serious relationship with a non-Greek?
Dates can get broken, postponed, or cut short in the sweep of
broomball outings, meetings and steak dinners. Lengthy interviews
can end up taking the place of nightly phone calls.
Jealousy can flare even more severely than billowing
bell-bottoms when committed Greeks attend exclusive exchanges
without their non-Greek counterparts.
But there are pros to these cons as well.
Date parties offer a chance to go out in style without having to
pick up the tab, and who knows, you may even make a new friend.
In fact, dating someone in the Greek system allows you to enjoy
the perks without having to suffer the pains of torturously long
meetings, petty arguments, cleaning the house, and having to pay
for these “privileges.”
As with everything, balance is key. If you’re enmeshed in
the Greek system and your boyfriend or girlfriend is not ““ or
vice versa ““ both of you should encourage a healthy
relationship that doesn’t revolve around Greek life.
Go on a date that doesn’t involve 40 others coming along,
and choose a bus (once the strike is over) on which singing is
against the status quo.
Leave talk of fraternity/sorority drama off the agenda for a bit
and concentrate on each other.
Skip an event or two in favor of alone time ““ demonstrate
that you do have your priorities in order and communicate just how
significant this other person is to you.
And if you’re really going through separation withdrawals,
I know a great Greek restaurant on the Third Street Promenade you
kids can hit up. I guarantee it’s better than anything ever
served at a Monday night meeting.Â
Don’t be afraid to date outside or inside the system;
mixed affiliation relationships can often help one attain a
sobering balance of Greek and non-Greek activities. Tap the keg of
wisdom from one who’s done it ““ savor the possibilities
for romance to the last drop, but never hesitate to add your own
flavoring or reject a bad brew.
Bonos is the 2003-2004 copy chief. She believes her soul
mate is of Jewish and Greek heritage. She is a 50-50 hybrid and
wonders if any genuine Greek Jews actually exist. If you like
baklava with your matzo ball soup, e-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu.