I’d like to address a subject often overlooked by modern
daters ““ the importance of having a plan.
You wouldn’t start a lab without a written procedure or
lay the first strokes of a mural without making a sketch, so why
pop the big first-date question without proper preparation?
There’s a reason why science experiments are repeated and
artistic techniques are studied and imitated ““ so that we may
learn basic rules and get a feel for the subject. The most exciting
developments, however, are breaks from the norm ““ a new
theory proved, a discovery made, or an original style that has the
art world focusing its lens on a new wave of creativity.
Just as rediscovering the light bulb won’t land you on the
front page of the newspaper, taking your love interest to dinner
and a movie probably won’t top his/her “Best
Dates” list. And asking your crush: “Would you like to
go out Saturday night?” only to follow with: “OK, where
to?” lands you a date with indecision.
Dinner and a movie on a first date often doesn’t work for
a number of reasons. First, there’s no chance to talk or get
to know one another better at a movie. Even if it’s a film
you both are dying to see, shouldn’t you be more excited to
see each other rather than strangers on a screen?
Secondly, falling back on the traditional date formula for the
first date shows a lack of originality and foreshadows boredom for
the rest of the relationship ““ should your crush be
interested in continuing to date you after such a lame attempt.
No matter how well you know this person, the first date is a
first impression. It sets the tone for the entire relationship.
Starting out on a high note can almost guarantee a second date,
while a flat debut probably won’t encourage your love
interest to buy season tickets.
Asking someone out says: “I’m interested in
you.” Going to a movie on this date communicates: “I
couldn’t think of anything fun or interesting to do. Would
you like to sit next to me in the dark so we can both wonder who
will make the first move and grab the other’s
hand?”
So if the dinner-and-a-movie date has the potential to blow up
in your face (yes, it’s back to the science metaphor), what
else works? Don’t stress ““ there are plenty of fun,
pressure-free first date ideas that haven’t been
overplayed.
1.) Check out an art museum ““ there are tons in the Los
Angeles area.
The Hammer Museum is just down the street and the J. Paul Getty
Museum is a hop, skip and a jump (or a 15-minute drive in rush hour
traffic on the 405 Freeway) up the hill, and it’s a perfect
spot for a romantic picnic and/or sunset.
Museums may be quiet, but there have great conversation-starters
hanging all over them ““ and you don’t have to be
art-savvy to enjoy the work.
Or, go for an artsy twist on the movie idea and catch a
performance at the Geffen Playhouse or a student production on
campus.
2.) Tell your date to take a hike. Literally. And come with him
or her, of course.
The great outdoors is great for romance and conversation. And,
if you realize somewhere along the path that this will be your
first and last date, at least it wasn’t a complete waste if
you’re simultaneously getting a workout.
However, if things do go well, the wilderness may prove the
perfect setting for a different kind of workout.
3.) Bring out your inner child ““ take a trip to the zoo,
playground, carnival or amusement park. Kid around with the
animals, relive recess memories on the monkey bars, hold your
date’s hand when things get creepy in the haunted house, or
try your hand at winning your sweetie a big stuffed animal. But
don’t completely forget to act your age ““ it’s
still expected that you share your cotton candy.
Next time you’re about to step into the lab for a first
date experiment, consider one of these suggestions. Or, if you
truly want to climb to dating brilliance, be imaginative and come
up with your own original date. Step up to the canvas with a full
palette of colors and don’t hesitate to break dating norms
““ the masters of any discipline are always revolutionaries in
their fields.
Planning a date is a science ““ and also an art.
(That’s right, North and South Campus can work together, and
they often should.) At its best, date planning is a discipline
carefully balanced between calculation and improvisation, always
leaving room for romantic spontaneity.
Bonos is the 2003-04 copy chief. E-mail her at
lbonos@media.ucla.edu.