As I sat listening to the Major League Baseball draft on Tuesday
morning, surrounded by family and friends, desperately hoping to
hear my name, reality slowly sank in ““ I haven’t played
since Little League.
I may have been too small then, but I’m a manly 5-feet,
7-inches, 150 pounds now. With all the high school players picked
these days, it could happen. Can you say Danny Almonte?
And then reality sets in. It’s over. My career is limited
to intramural mediocrity and slow-pitch city league softball with
overweight 40-year-old men.
It is finally upon us, sports fans. Much like my professional
playing career, the 2002-2003 school year is drawing to a close. It
will not be easy to see this year ““ during which UCLA
captured four NCAA titles ““ come to a close.
Speaking of endings, many things ended this past year. Many
other things will end later this year. And many things will never
end, but not for lack of want.
The softball team ended its four-year championship drought by
winning its ninth NCAA championship in dramatic fashion.
Also ending championship droughts were UCLA’s gymnastics
team, men’s soccer team, and women’s water polo team.
Not bad for a school renowned for its football and basketball
programs.
Declaring that these four titles ended a drought was mostly
facetious, particularly for softball and gymnastics. However, there
is one title drought that I sincerely hope to see ended as quickly
as possible. It belongs to the men’s tennis team, and spans
19 years. Hang in there, Billy Martin, your time will come.
This year’s four titles ended last year’s unusual
title-less run. Good for Dan Guerrero, bad for Pete Dalis.
Let’s hope Major League Baseball ends the use of the
QuesTec machine.
The machine evaluates umpires, and has many pitchers claiming
the men in blue are changing their strike zones to match the
machine’s analysis.
Umpires feel pressure to base their strike zone on the
computer’s analysis, because if their calls don’t match
the machine’s at least 90 percent of the time, they are
deemed “not up to standard.” In addition to probably
ending their careers, this essentially ends human error in a sport
founded on human error. Curt Schilling had the right idea when he
ended the use of one of the machines by smashing it to bits.
Of course he was handed a hefty $15,000 fine, but that is pocket
change to Schilling.
Other careers that have gone the same way as Schilling’s
QuesTec machine and Breadstik’s are the coaching careers of
Steve Lavin and Bob Toledo. Hopefully the coaching changes will end
UCLA’s recent flirtation with mediocrity in its two
high-revenue sports.
One thing that has to end is our losing streak against USC. I
don’t know if I can handle another 42-year-old soccer mom
screaming obscenities at me as I leave the Coliseum.
Will Gary Adams be the third highly-publicized UCLA coaching
career ended during this year? If so, he will take quite a legacy
with him.
I hope everyone is with me in hoping Jennie Finch’s
announcing career ends as quickly as possible. In addition,
here’s to hoping her modeling and acting careers
flourish.
The new intramural field is nearly complete, ending two years of
painfully slow construction. On the other hand, construction around
the rest of UCLA will unfortunately not come to an end.
Ever.
With the recent anti-French sentiment stemming from the issues
surrounding the war and their terrible B.O., the tournament
formerly known as the French Open must come to an end. From now on,
Americans will refer to the tournament as the “Freedom
Open,” joining “liberty cabbage” and
“freedom toast” in our political lexicon.
If you are thankful that the Stat Geek’s tenure as a
consistent Daily Bruin columnist is coming to an end, then you are
probably more thankful that mine is, too.
Don’t worry though; you will have to deal with me again
next year.