The Indiana Pacers’ Ron Artest, the UCLA women’s
gymnastics team and a cute little kid at the Dodgers game this past
week have all given the proverbial finger to thousands of
spectators at large sporting venues.
Artest flipped his bird in anger at the Miami crowd during a
game against the Heat, the same game during which he had a
confrontation with Heat coach Pat Riley.
The gymnastics team raised the finger ““ their index finger
““ in jubilation after capturing the 2003 NCAA Championship in
Lincoln, Nebraska. The finger was also given in irony since the
title was won the same day a column was published that anticipated
the team would choke.
And the cute little kid at the Dodger’s game? His finger
was big, blue and made of foam.
The young fan was enjoying one of the most celebrated spectator
appendages in the world of sports: the foam finger.
The foam finger stems from a long line of sports-related
paraphernalia, starting with the pompom and ending (hopefully) with
the Thunder Stick. Whoever thought of tying pieces of colored paper
to a stick and waving it around to show support for your team was
probably wearing the thickest beer blanket you’ve ever seen
and most likely did not foresee his or her invention taking off the
way it has.
Let’s consider the several forms of the foam finger,
sports fans.
The Classic: This is your standard finger. The index finger is
pointing up toward the sky in a proclamation of superiority. The
foam is dyed to match your favorite team’s colors, and the
team logo is generally painted on the foam. The more expensive ones
are reversible with logos on both sides and may be worn on either
hand. Every little kid, without exception, wants one of these and a
large cotton candy when at the ballgame. It’s neat,
it’s clever, it’s American. Classic.
The Idiotic: Did you really think I could use the word idiotic
without mentioning USC? Think again.
A perfect example of an idiotic foam finger is the one seen each
year at the USC v. UCLA football game. The finger is still made out
of foam, still dyed, and still painted with the team’s logo.
But it really isn’t a finger. It’s actually two
fingers.
Therefore, you can’t call it a foam finger, which is one
reason why it is idiotic. You can call it a foam fingers, but that
sounds terrible, which is fitting.
The foam fingers are held up in that ridiculous peace sign you
see the Trojans waving around whenever they run out of things to
say, which is pretty often.
Note to ‘SC readers: I know it’s a V for victory, so
shut up.
The Genius: Sold during Beat ‘SC week, the UCLA spin-off
of the foam finger simply takes The Classic and moves it over one
finger. Instead of the index being pointed skyward, the middle
finger is stretched out, with “Beat $C” painted down
the middle of that magical digit.
This works on so many levels: First, it’s still a finger,
rather than two fingers.
Second, it proclaims a widely held opinion of UCLA students and
is concise and easy to read. Brilliant.
But the market for spectator equipment has expanded far beyond a
mere finger. What about the CheeseHead, family favorite and
Wisconsin tradition? Or the CornHead, a University of Nebraska best
seller that is big, yellow and eerily phallic?
In fact, you can be creative without spending an arm and a leg
on a giant foam hunk of cheese. You can go to any local market, not
spend a dime, and pick up the unofficial gear of the Detroit
Tigers: the brown paper bag.
However, the Detroit-style brown paper bag does not make much
sense. They usually just cut out eyeholes and not a mouth.
It would be more logical to just cut out a mouth hole. That way
they don’t have to watch the Tigers run around like T-ball
all stars, but they will be able to breathe so that they can live
to see happier days.
UCLA needs a piece of signature sports gear. I proposed bear
claws, with ASUCLA paying for the delicious Danishes before each
home game, but that didn’t really fly.
Send your brilliant suggestions to ekaron@media.ucla.edu.