Look, I like sports just as much as the next guy, but the fact
is I like food more than sports.Â
Food provides me with the vital nutrients my body needs in order
to function. But when you combine food and sports, you’ve got
a winner.
My infatuation with watching televised sporting events while
consuming edibles goes back to my youth.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane. It’s 1988,
I’m five years old (if you are trying to visualize this I was
sporting a mullet, which was very chic at the time), and the
Dodgers are in the World Series against the Oakland Athletics.
It’s Game 5. Orel Hershiser is on the mound for Los Angeles
and the Millers are at the dinner table glued to the portable
television.
As an aside: many other families would have settled for
ridiculous TV dinners in the family room in front of the big
screen, but my parents always stressed the importance of having
dinner together, as a family. Besides, my mother would never allow
us to eat that trash.
So there we were at the dinner table, my father and I
transfixed, and my mother and sister mildly interested. When
Hershiser struck out the final Athletic, securing the World
Championship for the boys from Chavez Ravine, my dad let out a
jubilant yelp that haunts me to this day.
But more importantly, I recall the delightful tricolore salad
with radicchio, arugula and Belgian endive that we enjoyed. I
recall the delicious roasted orange-herb game hen my mother served
over a creamy sweet potato puree.
The hen was cooked to perfection, and complemented nicely by a
bottle of 1982 Chateauneuf du Pape Cuvee des Cadettes. The wine was
layered, and was quite ripe and superbly pure. It was an
interesting bottle of wine ““ medium to full-bodied, with a
moderately intense nose of vanilla and blackberries.
Cut to this past Sunday: my roommates and I have settled down in
front of the television to watch the Lakers’ trouncing of
some inferior team in the first round of the NBA
Playoffs. Having just arisen, I desired some nourishment that
would give me sustenance and joy, as the NBA playoffs certainly
call for some fine fare.
Naturally I brewed myself some black currant tea (I take it with
a bit of milk) and peeled myself an orange. Incredibly, my
roommates mocked my meal, noting that nachos and beer were a far
more suitable pairing than the food I happily consumed.
Hey, I enjoy properly prepared nachos as much as the next guy.
However, the black currant tea just felt right, and you’ve
certainly got to go with your instincts.
Speaking of instincts, anyone who has ever seen a light beer
commercial knows the following to be true:
1. Men love lite beer more than they love the incredibly
attractive women. (Think about any beer commercial in which the
dude ignores his lady friend in favor of his watered down brew. In
fact, I believe this message actually is leading to the
wimpification of the American male. C’mon, how is beer >
hot lady?)
2. Women hate sports.
Like me, I know many dudes who enjoy good food, and good
televised sporting events. And these guys always tell me that their
eating/watching experiences would be even more joyful if they could
take in the sporting action with their girlfriends. But like I said
before, women hate sports. They just do, and you can’t do
anything about it man. Unless you trick them.
Guys ““ you can use food to entice your girlfriends to
watch sports with you. This is how it works: tell your
girlfriend you want to cook her a meal. This will totally drive her
crazy ““ girls love stuff like this. Then for the meal, just
get a French baguette and some fancy cheese. Chicks totally dig
French bread ““ its sooooo European.Â
While chicks hate sports, this will pacify your lady and you can
watch the game with your gouda and your girl.
A top health official says “the use of the word
“˜chick’ is the product of a bygone era.” E-mail
Miller at dmiller@media.ucla.edu to discuss.