Angel of kosher food passed over ballparks

Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd, buy me
some peanuts and Cracker

Jacks …

But wait! For Jews, peanuts and Cracker Jacks take a back seat
to matzo and gefilte fish for eight days each spring during the
Jewish holiday of Passover.

Three thousand years ago, the Hebrew people fled the despotic
rule of the Egyptian pharaoh in such haste they could not wait for
their bread to rise. Today, Jews remember their plight by eating
the tasteless crackers known as matzo and sacrificing the culinary
joys of the ballpark.

That’s right, sports fans, nothing screams baseball and
cardiac arrest like hot dogs, nachos, Coke and chocolate malts.
Each food item holds a special place in the hearts of fans, and
none of them are kosher for Passover.

It is the most difficult week of the year for Jewish baseball
fans. Each time I see a player methodically popping sunflower seeds
in his mouth, cracking, separating and spitting, I grow
jealous.

However, I have found some solace in the growing trend of
unusual ballpark foods.

Sushi and grilled steak fajitas are a staple in most ballparks,
but that doesn’t help the observant Jew during his quest for
kosher food during Passover. Rice is not considered kosher for
Passover, and what’s a fajita without the tortilla?

For those fans who go to the ballgame wanting nothing more than
to devour crab cakes, you should take up golf. However, the crab
cake has found its way into the ballpark, sneaking past both the
kosher police and the baseball gods. A real (or kosher) fan would
not be caught dead munching on crab cakes.

So what can the Jewish baseball fan eat during these eight days
of observance?

The following is a list of the top five ballpark concessions
that are perfect for the kosher fan:

5) Garlic Fries at Pac Bell Park in San Francisco. Nearly
everybody who is not a Giants fan (where do I sign up?) hates Barry
Bonds. Nearly everybody who is human loves garlic fries. Nothing
says “Barry Bonds stinks” like a warm basket of greasy
fries smothered with garlic.

4) This one isn’t a food, but it is so absurd that I had
to include it. Tropicana Field in Tampa is the Devil Rays’
home stadium. A state of the art ballpark, Tropicana has the only
cigar bar in Major League Baseball. Now this is a kosher
concession, but a ridiculous concept.

3) There have been 16 major league baseball players from
Australia, yet there is one delicious steakhouse that claims to be
Australian. Hey, as long as it uses the terms “barbie”
and “bloke,” it’s Australian enough for me.

Outback in the Outfield is exactly what it sounds like: the
delicious steakhouse has a chain beyond the outfield fence of
Pittsburgh’s PNC Park. Now that’s meshuganah!

2) The only good things to come out of Cleveland are
“Major League I,” “Major League II” and the
food at Jacobs Field. Enjoy a four-course kosher for Passover feast
that includes mixed green salad, Glatt Kosher hot dogs (no bun, of
course), fresh fruit cups, fresh-squeezed lemonade and wood-roasted
salmon. Then watch the Indians lose.

1) Peanuts aren’t kosher for Passover. In fact, most nuts
aren’t kosher for Passover.

But bull’s nuts are. That’s why the number one
kosher ballpark concession on my list is Rocky’s Mountain
Oysters, a specialty at the Colorado Rockies’ Coors Field in
Denver. After downing a few dozen of these bad boys, you
won’t have to bother with those pesky shells to be spitting
seeds. After all, munching on a bull’s testicles is as much a
part of baseball as peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Only different. And
kosher for Passover.

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