You’d be surprised to know how hard it is to find an
informative and horridly funny story idea. We’ve got a lot of
prima donna athletes at UCLA who are so strange/dumb that they make
for great stories, but these strange/dumb characters are just smart
enough (by the skin of their teeth) to know that it wouldn’t
help their image if I were to focus on their strangeness/dumbness
instead of their marvelous three-point percentage. Then there are
those ideas that just don’t pan out. For example, I thought
it would be funny to get myself hazed by a fraternity and then
document the adventure. After all, nothing says sports like binge
drinking and group vomiting, drinking live goldfish and
Goldschlagger, or being lit on fire. However, the bros take their
hazing pretty seriously, and are really into tradition, so getting
hazed or learning the secret handshake is pretty much out of the
question for me. Then I had the idea of getting hazed by the ROTC.
Seriously though, push-ups are hard. As is running. And using
assault rifles. But when I realized it was National Poetry Month,
it was quite clear I would be writing my column on poetry and
sports ““ two fields that are obviously intertwined.
Don’t see the connection? Well, back in Little League, my
coach said my swing was like poetry, so there ya go. Interestingly
enough, UCLA has its own athlete/poet laureate in volleyball player
Allan Vince. The junior opposite and English student writes free
form poetry and considers it the best way to express himself
outside of volleyball. Instantly, I wondered whether Vince did a
lot of drugs, like ee cummings. “Well I think my life is its
own drug, so I don’t need to do anything to enhance my
thought,” Vince said. At least Vince doesn’t capitalize
his name when signing his work like cummings, who had quite the
abhorrence for grammar. Some of Vince’s work includes
“Friday’s footprint introduces a horizontal man,”
“An eruption of clouds holding quietly a silent
luminescence,” and my favorite, “Letting loose shows
character.” Vince fed me that line about being drug-free, but
anyone who knows how to properly use the word
“luminescence” is probably ingesting some serious
hallucinogenics. I love poetry, and often use it to express myself.
I even wrote a poem about the men’s volleyball team, which
Vince analyzed.
Chris Peña likes shiitake mushrooms Al Scates likes
golf the team missed Matt Komer When they lost it was a
bummer
Vince appreciated the literal and informative nature of my lyric
work (along with my trippy spacing), and agreed with my suggestion
that the use of the word “bummer” conjures images of
summer, melting popsicles and beach volleyball. This carefree
imagery alludes to the redemptive nature of shiitake mushrooms and
Tiger Woods. Vince and I also wrote some haikus together which was
a truly breathtaking experience. The first haiku chronicles the
volleyball team’s disappointing season.
a group of men strong a valiant effort shown next year a
win’ing song
We wrapped up the poetry session with a haiku about the pure
beauty of UCLA athletics.
blue and gold do rule our athletics tend to school our
opponents, fools