Some years ago my mother bought me a book of sayings, all of
them related to fishing. It had the usual maxims of anglers
worldwide, things like:
“Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way,”
“Work is for people who don’t know how to fish,”
and “Better to be a master fisher than a master
baiter.”
This past weekend, a few buddies and I went to Lake Cachuma
outside of Santa Barbara for a weekend of roughing it. I packed my
book of sayings, some rods and other essential camping gear. My
friends, Spooner and Ralph, and I would soon learn that fishing
isn’t just a hobby ““ it’s a way of life. I
thumbed through the book while camping and realized that many of
the proverbs hit eerily close to home. Not only that, but these
sayings have intriguing applications to UCLA athletics.
1. “Never believe anything you hear on the Weather
Channel.”
It’s true. The latest rainstorm ““ the one that was
supposed to brisk through California claiming only the
Giants-Dodgers game as a victim ““ beset our party twice, once
while camping out and fishing in Santa Barbara, and once here in
Westwood. Everything would have been fine for me, except that my
supposedly waterproof tent wasn’t, and neither was
Spooner’s sleeping bag. He spent the night trying to generate
some body heat.
The recent storm surrounding the hunt for a new basketball
coach, meanwhile, was broadcasted on every channel except the
Weather Channel. Too bad, too ““ that storm was brief,
painless and it was easy to predict the outcome.
2. “Nobody ever lost a little one.”
Spooner hooked into a lunker that he reeled in about three
inches from the dock. Then the line snapped. The same holds true
for UCLA sports. The volleyball team recently lost a game that
caused this very publication to declare a “Fall from
Greatness.” You hear that, Al?
Never mind those 18 championships you’ve brought us, you
better go ahead and hang up your whistle. This was a big one,
because nobody ever lost a little one.
Except that I would bet my Shimano AX-2200 reel that
Scates’ team wins the title next year. If that counts as a
fall from greatness, sign me up.
3. “No one can outfish a beginner.”
Also true. Spooner recently bought his first tackle box, and
sure enough he hooked the biggest fish of the day. Of course he
didn’t land it, but what really counts here? UCLA has hooked
two big fish this year, one in new head football coach Karl
Dorrell, the other in new men’s basketball coach Ben Howland.
If my store-bought fishing wisdom is correct, look forward to a
very successful first year for both.
4. “The more expensive your equipment, the less fish you
will catch.”
Why do you think all the athletes get those blue backpacks for
free? If you go to a private school where you pay over $25,000 per
year, you should seriously consider either killing yourself or
selling girl scout cookies on Bruin Walk. The more free stuff UCLA
athletes get, the more fish (read: NCAA titles) they will bring to
Westwood.
Just go with it, OK?
5. “Don’t touch poison oak before shoving your hands
down your pants for warmth. Even if your hands are really really
cold.”
This one wasn’t in my book, but is a bit of personal
advice I can give to everyone at UCLA, even if you don’t love
to fish.
It has nothing to do with sports, just with common sense. Of
which I apparently have none.
In fishing, like in politics, manipulation is the key. Why do
you think they make lures? E-mail Karon at
ekaron@media.ucla.edu.