I know I already wrote a column about “Joe
Millionaire,” and I know that you’ll probably be
reading a dozen similar pieces dedicated to Monday night’s
final episode. But after attending a recent Lakers game and
spotting Evan in the high roller seats, I took it as a sign that a
column on the show must be fate’s design for me. I felt
compelled to devote precious A&E space to more
“Millionaire.”
America’s attitude toward our protagonist Evan has always
fascinated me. When his face was shown on the jumbotron at the
game, a chorus of boos rained down from the stands. Mr. Half
Millionaire responded by flashing his half-million-dollar smile.
Why did workers of the world unite to take shots at one of their
own? Evan was living the ultimate male fantasy, and he managed to
stay modest. Blue-collar types should proclaim him as a leader and
erect a statue in his image.
I asked the guy in the nosebleed section next to me why so many
people had a beef with Evan. His response: “I don’t
know. Maybe because he’s on that stupid reality TV
show.”
I surmised that most of the boo-birds were men who didn’t
exactly gather around the tube in anticipation to watch a silly
dating show. Thus, Evan was guilty by simple association and deemed
“lame” by the nosebleed section guy.
“Doing underwear modeling can’t help matters
either,” my friend chimed in. “Same goes with that
stupid haircut.”
By this point of the conversation, the Lakers game was almost an
afterthought. Stuck in the middle of this Evan hate-fest, I was
reluctant to raise the point that Evan has just the right
balls-to-brains ratio to appeal to both female and male audiences.
In other words, he not only takes advice from Junior, but also uses
his head in judging each gold-digger, I mean, contestant.
It’s a noble trait to which we should all aspire.
My more analytical friend, who actually follows the show, was
also not a member of the Evan fan club. “Evan’s such a
dolt,” he said.
I used my SAT inference skills to link “dolt” to
dumb, dim-witted and (according to Dayana’s opinion of Evan)
“dorky.” Then again Dayana was the contestant that said
she likes her clothes tight and short, and complained like a high
school girl about the purple dress making her look ugly.
Dayana and 17 other women were eliminated because they failed to
outsmart the supposed “dolt” Evan. But contrary to
popular belief, Evan is no dumb cookie. He knew Zora and Sara were
going to be his finalists from the get-go, so he brought along
those with the biggest assets for the last few rounds. He
methodically set up a situation where he ended up with the
small-town girl with a big heart and the wild child from Los
Angeles. The best of two worlds were at his disposal.
I stayed silent as they badmouthed a man who has done a public
service for the male population. He exposed a side of women that
every guy knew existed. Yet he was met with such blind jealousy
that I had to take a stand.
“Here’s a guy who successfully picked two of the
best, if not the best, ladies out of the bunch,” I argued.
“You have to give him props for that.”
Everyone ignored me. The Lakers were back within single digits
in the fourth quarter.
David’s favorite shows after FOX pounded a barrage of ads
into his head: “Married by America,” “That
70’s Show” and “Michael Jackson Take
2.”