The other day, as my 1992 Toyota Tercel started to shudder in
the wake of a majestic sport utility vehicle, I finally decided
it’s time for a new car. A small car is not enough for me.
I’m sick of not having the biggest car on the road. I’m
sick of not being mistaken for a celebrity hiding behind tinted
windows to prevent the unworthy masses from getting a glimpse.
I’m sick of being so low to the ground that I can’t
look down on anyone.
I thought an SUV would be a great idea ““ until I saw the
ads.
Supported by Arianna Huffington’s pet group, The Detroit
Project, they attack SUVs by creating a parody of the anti-drug ads
that link drug use to terrorism.
One ad features a voice-over with a little girl saying,
“This is George. This is the gas that George bought for his
SUV. … These are the terrorists who get money “¦ every time
George fills up his SUV.” Followed by a caption that reads:
“Oil money supports some terrible things. What kind of
mileage does your SUV get?”
How dare they demonize SUVs! After all, SUVs only account for
1,000 more deaths per year than “regular” cars. And
they are only three times more likely to result in passenger
deaths.
Huffington only has the luxury of campaigning against SUVs
because she’s rich enough to afford a 9,000 square foot,
air-conditioned house. Oh, and don’t forget the heated
swimming pool and frequent trips on corporate jets. If I were rich
enough to afford to fly to Big Bear in a corporate jet, I too would
buy a hybrid and whine about how SUVs are four times more likely to
roll over. And I could complain that SUVs account for the majority
of fatalities in vehicle-to-vehicle collisions despite the fact
that there are less of them on the road.
If I could afford a 9,000-square-foot house, I could afford to
worry about Environmental Protection Agency estimates that show how
an industry-wide improvement of 3 miles per gallon in average fuel
economy would save $25 billion per year in fuel costs, reduce 140
million metric tons of carbon dioxide emissions per year, and save
1 million barrels of oil per day ““ which would completely
eliminate our need to import Iraqi oil.
But I’m not Arianna Huffington. I can barely pay my taxes,
let alone get upset about a tax law that gives breaks to people who
buy SUVs. A $32,000 credit in the first year sounds pretty darn
good!
I won’t complain about the federal loophole that exempts
car manufacturers from meeting the federal fuel economy standards
by classifying SUVs as light trucks. The exemption was initially
put into effect during the 1970s to help farmers survive the oil
embargo. And we all know nothing has changed since the 1970s.
And what does it matter that SUVs are a big reason Americans use
25 percent of the world’s oil? Isn’t driving protected
by the Constitution? Some critics complain that over 1.5 million
gallons of oil were spilled in U.S. waters during 2000. But SUVs
aren’t the problem. Clearly, somebody needs to make better
boats.
Huffington is probably running around in her big, fancy,
air-conditioned house, laughing at all the poor slobs who
won’t buy SUVs because of what she said. She’s reveling
in her hypocrisy, throwing a party for her Hollywood cohorts,
eating caviar, and drinking champagne. Didn’t she even think
of the little fish who will never grow up because she’s
eating their eggs? I doubt it. She’s too busy congratulating
herself for effecting change, making the world a better place, and
helping preserve the environment for future generations.
All I wanted was to roll up to a club with my posse in a
beautiful, gold-trimmed, night-black Escalade with four DVD screens
and a Playstation 2. But now, thanks to Huffington, I’ll be
driving a Honda Civic.