Apparently Fox Sports Net has finally arrived at the same
conclusion as the UCLA student body did weeks ago.
These Bruins are not worth watching.
Network executives at Fox Sports Net chose to broadcast the
final 28 minutes of something called the St. George’s
Paradise Bowl instead of the start of Cal’s 80-69 victory
over our beloved Bruins on Saturday afternoon.
Thus fans throughout Southern California were spared the trouble
of ripping the hair from their scalps as the Bruins’ impotent
offense lit up the scoreboard for all of eight points in the
game’s first 10 minutes. By the time the telecast actually
came on the air, UCLA trailed by 14 points, and the Bruins were on
their way to being Shipp-wrecked at Haas Pavilion for the third
straight year.
In retrospect, I’d like to thank the network for a rare
display of good judgment.
Aside from back-to-back reruns of Magic Johnson’s
short-lived talk show, it’s hard to imagine television more
blatantly unwatchable than UCLA basketball this season.
That includes the Paradise Bowl.
A collegiate all-star game in its second year of existence, the
Paradise Bowl is based in the thriving metropolis of St. George,
Utah, a town most famous for being the site of Brigham
Young’s winter home.
The football game featured future Canadian Football League
rejects from the western half of the nation including UCLA’s
very own beleaguered ex-place kicker Chris Griffith. How a man who
was not even the best kicker on his own team was deemed all-star
worthy is a mystery topped only by the “why isn’t Dijon
Thompson starting” conundrum in Westwood.
My best guess: Steve Lavin is moonlighting as head scout at the
Paradise Bowl. Expect to see T.J. Cummings and Cedric Bozeman suit
up at running back in next year’s game.
If this were a typical season, it would be inexcusable for Fox
Sports Net to air a football game featuring players from Mesa State
College and East Central University instead of the first half-hour
of a UCLA basketball game.
This year, however, coverage of the Paradise Bowl ““ or
even a toilet bowl ““ was probably a ratings bonanza in
comparison.
I know I’d rather gouge my eyes out Oedipus-style than
watch Joe Shipp run through UCLA’s full court pressure like a
shoplifter through a turnstile at the supermarket.
By halftime, I was wondering if Lavin had spent more time on his
Super Bowl pool than his game plan.
Before I give the executives at Fox Sports Net too much credit
for their decision-making, I should point out that these geniuses
have decided to air Thursday’s UCLA-Oregon State matchup on
national television.
How long do you think it will take them to consider airing an
encore broadcast of the Paradise Bowl instead?
Eisenberg plans to start kicking field goals in order to earn a
roster spot for next year’s Paradise Bowl. E-mail him at
jeisenberg@media.ucla.edu.