Our waiter told us, “If you need me, just throw something
at me, and I will come running.
“Unless it is during an important part of the game, in
which case I will be glued to the TV.”
He was wearing a Philadelphia Eagles jersey, but the game that
was on was the Titans v. Steelers.
Our world is a crazy one, sports fans.
I thought I had seen it all when Kentucky doused its head
football coach, Guy Morriss, with Gatorade before the final play on
Nov. 9. What’s one play, right?
One play is a tipped Hail Mary pass that goes for the
game-winning touchdown for their opponent, LSU.
Morriss is no longer Kentucky’s head coach.
Ңbull;Ӣbull;Ӣbull;
That’s not fair. If Tennessee had lost Saturday’s
nail-biter to Pittsburgh, would coach Jeff Fisher have been axed
because the fireworks guy suffers from premature detonation
syndrome?
Let me explain: In overtime of that game, Titans kicker Joe
Nedney was called on to kick the game-winning field goal. Just
before Nedney nailed his kick, Pittsburgh called time out. But the
fireworks technician was a little trigger happy, and, not realizing
a timeout had been called, ignited the fuse that began the
Titans’ victory celebration.
Only the Titans were not victorious yet.
The spectacular fireworks display left the players looking like
CalTrans workers ““ lots of standing around with confused
looks on their faces.
The Titans eventually won, robbing sports fans everywhere of a
piece of history. Had the Steelers won the Super Bowl, Tommy
Maddox, he of UCLA fame, would have been the only quarterback in
the history of football to win an NFL championship and a XFL
championship. Does it get any sweeter than that?
Ңbull;Ӣbull;Ӣbull;
In the High School National Basketball Association, the
questions about whether or not phenom LeBron James is ready to play
at the next level (college) have been answered.
After all, James is already being investigated for an illegal
benefits violation after he was seen driving a brand new Hummer H2
he reportedly received for his 18th birthday.
First of all, who says this man-child is 18? Does anyone else
have a problem with this? Can I see a birth certificate?
Can you say Danny Almonte?
In order to be seriously considered for the NBA, James still
needs to be caught carrying drugs, drug paraphernalia or
unregistered weapons in his vehicle, have a few illegitimate
children with several women in multiple cities, and cut his own rap
album.
Ңbull;Ӣbull;Ӣbull;
How much do I despise USC’s Desmon Farmer? Lots. But most
of all, I hate his freakin’ headband. You are not making a
fashion statement by wearing it upside down pal. You just look
goofy. Fifty bucks to the first fan that runs onto the court and
fixes it for him.
Ңbull;Ӣbull;Ӣbull;
The only thing that upsets me about the 49ers’ loss to
Tampa Bay is Terrell Owens. I was really curious to see what he had
planned if he scored. He’s done the Sharpie thing; he’s
done the cheerleading thing “¦ what was next?
I have a feeling it is a good thing we didn’t find out,
but at the same time, wouldn’t you like to know?
Ңbull;Ӣbull;Ӣbull;
That brings me to an aspect of professional football that I do
not understand: touchdown dances. You know, the NFL guys who dance
like a demented 13-year old who just had his bar mitzvah are
getting paid to score touchdowns.
When these grown men are celebrating their success it is as if
they are surprised they just scored. Is it necessary to celebrate
when doing your job? My dad sells real estate, but I’ve never
seen him bob-n-weave when he closes escrow.
For LeBron James, Terrell Owens, and Joe Nedney, I’m Eli
Karon.
Please don’t sue me.
If coaching, Karon would rather get fired than have Gatorade
dumped on him. Wait “¦ that already happened. E-mail him at:
ekaron@media.ucla.edu.