I picked up the paper on Monday and read about the overwhelming
stupidity of UCLA students, faculty and administration in their
decision to bring in and then likely remove a vending machine kiosk
at the cost of $100,000.
Since the two things I enjoy most are writing viewpoint columns
for the Daily Bruin and using my mind-boggling intelligence to be
sarcastic and insulting, I felt like I couldn’t let this
opportunity pass me by.
The actions of UCLA students, faculty and administration serve
not only as a shining example of ignorance and carelessness, but
also as a general wussification of Americans.
Let’s start with the students who requested the machines.
They pleaded with the administration for vending machines to be
placed less than a stone’s throw away from Bunche hall
because they felt unsafe walking from Bunche to Campbell Hall or Lu
Valle Commons at night. These whimpering students thought it was
worth $75,000 to put in vending machines so they didn’t have
to walk an extra 100 feet to purchase their Skittles and Dr.
Pepper.
Our campus is well-lit, well-patrolled and reputably safe. The
incidences of rape, assault or other late night criminal activity
are few and far between. And the proximity of vending machines to
Bunche Hall is probably not going to affect criminal activity
anyway. The students’ misplaced fears are the latest example
of our inanely fear-centric culture touched upon in Michael
Moore’s “Bowling for Columbine.”
In reality, our campus is an extremely safe place, but in
students’ news-driven fantasies, they can’t walk a
short distance without feeling petrified ““ and it will cost
the school more than it costs to feed 1800 starving children for a
year.
If these students were really worried about their safety, why
couldn’t they just bring their own food or walk to the
“far away” machines with a friend or campus escort?
Nah, that would be too intelligent and inexpensive.
Then we have the faculty, who provided the impetus for the
pending machine removal. While I agree with them that the machines
aren’t necessary to begin with, I don’t agree with
their decision to formally object to their placement after $75,000
was spent. If Adam Sandler were one of our administrators, it would
be all too appropriate for him to yell, “That’s
something that could have been brought to my attention
yesterday!”
Some members of the faculty said the kiosk prevented them from
enjoying the greenery outside Bunche when they came off the
elevators. Aw, I’m sorry professors. Are you also going to
complain to the administration on a winter day when Mr. Cloud
blocks out Mr. Sunshine?
Even if the vending machines are an eyesore, it’s a
professor’s job to teach, not to complain because they
can’t see an olive tree, especially after the construction is
completed. So the next time the faculty members think about
complaining that the view of greenery is mitigated, maybe they
should gain some perspective and complain about your impersonally
crowded lectures or your students get unbelievably ripped-off every
time they have to buy one of your course readers. I think I speak
for the student body when I say that we’d appreciate it.
Last but not least, we have the dunderheaded antics of our
administration. First, they honored the requests of a miniscule
portion of students to build an expensive eyesore we don’t
need without consulting the faculty. Then once a few faculty
members chimed in with their objections, they overrode the students
and agreed to spend more money to remove the vending machines.
Instead of consulting all the relevant parties and making a
thoughtful decision, administrators have rushed into two decisions
that will end up costing them a bundle. Great job guys!
Hopefully all parties involved can learn a lesson from this
incident and turn this disgrace into something positive. All
they’ve done so far is collaborated to spend $100,000 on
nothing.
What a waste.