I’ve been approached by several readers lately who
approached me and offered their column ideas ““ some better
than others. One particularly imaginative young man told me
“Hey Carrie, you should write about licking balls! Or maybe,
write about hooking up with your friends’ sisters!” As
tempting as these ideas are, I’ve decided in this installment
to turn my attention to a neglected segment of the population here
at UCLA ““ all the people who don’t have sex.
Obviously, I wouldn’t have a clue what that’s like,
since I have a veritable harem of obliging young men, dressed in
loincloths and smothered in edible oils, locked up in my basement,
eager to fulfill my every whim. OK, well, maybe there’s just
one young man. And he’s never worn a loincloth or been
smothered in oil. And he’s only obliged to do it with me
because otherwise I won’t iron his shirts or cheer at his IM
football games (go Red Roosters!).
I am sometimes surprised, however, by the number of friends I
have who choose to abstain from sex, for many different
reasons.
One close friend of mine is a devout Christian who is committed
to remaining a virgin until she gets married; she often jokes that
she should just hang a sign around her neck that says
“Reserved For God!” in big block letters. Her faith is
really important to her, and she’s willing to make the
sacrifices that come with being Christian (well, I assume
it’s a sacrifice to go without sex, since I tend to turn into
a raging bitch if I don’t get some on a regular basis). But
as for my friend, until she gets the guy, the gown and the big, fat
rock on her finger, taking off her pants just isn’t an
option.
I assumed most people who don’t have sex do so out of
religious reasons, but in talking to more people, I’ve found
this isn’t necessarily the case. Many people just choose not
to do it because they don’t feel psychologically or mentally
ready to deal with all the baggage that sex brings along with it.
Besides the obvious physical dangers associated with sleeping with
someone, there is a risk of emotional damage that is enough to make
some people stop and think. This applies to guys and girls across
the board; the decision to abstain is certainly not limited to
either sex. One guy I know has a real problem with intimacy,
physical and otherwise. Unless Britney Spears shows up at his door
and throws herself at him like a cat in heat, he’s decided to
hold off on sex for now to prevent himself from getting into any
emotional trouble.
The point is, sex is complicated. Despite all the recent fuss
over abstinence-only education, I don’t think there’s
any easy answer to the question of whether or not it’s
“right” to wait until marriage. I know lots of people
who have fulfilling sexual relationships with partners whom they
care about, and I know people who have casual sex and feel OK about
that too. I also know people (well, girls) who still have their fun
with the opposite sex without ever crossing the line into actual
intercourse. My old roommate had a “nothing below the
belt!” rule that nevertheless didn’t prevent her from
hooking up with a good percentage of the male population of UCLA.
But since she never actually had sex, there was no real harm done
(except for the trail of broken hearts she left in her wake, but
that’s a different story).
However, there is a segment of the female population that
chooses to abstain for a reason I find quite disturbing: penis
fear. Yes, folks, this unfortunate syndrome actually exists, and
it’s destroying the sex lives of college students across the
country. Another friend of mine (I have lots of friends, have you
noticed?) explained that she doesn’t want to sleep with her
boyfriend because, well, “penis is gross.” This is
upsetting to me. I could understand if she had fears about STDs or
pregnancy or serious emotional complications, all of which are
possible byproducts of a sexual relationship, but “¦ penis is
gross? That’s just wrong. I propose to the other concerned
citizens out there on campus that we, as defenders of the male
reproductive organ, form some sort of group devoted to promulgating
the idea that penis is not the problem. In fact, that could be our
slogan. “Penis is not the problem.” Join me in a march
down Bruin Walk today at noon. You bring the signs, I’ll pass
out the condoms and anatomically correct Ken dolls.