I took the LSAT on Saturday, and the way my mind felt after four
hours of logic-drenched fun, I wasn’t even sure I could
operate a doorknob.
Wasn’t it a surprise to me, then, that when I got home at
halftime of the UCLA-Oregon State game, and at the same time, the
third inning of the Angels ““ Yankees game ““ I
transformed into a remote control czar.
Flipping back and forth with the kind of dexterity most men
don’t acquire until they are twenty years my senior and four
inches around the belly my superior, I took in as much as I could
from two of the most entertaining games I’ve seen in a long
while.
Oh, and if you’re thinking that I was forced to flip
between games on one TV because of the social stigma associated
with having two televisions hooked up within eight inches of one
another, forget it.
Our cord just wouldn’t stretch that far.
So come along with me on this three-hour tango between
ABC’s broadcast of the Bruin game, Fox’s showing of the
historic Angels game and plenty more.
Or, just be happy this column isn’t one of the
alternatives: (1) a lame, hackneyed LSAT-style column or (2) a rash
of immature puns concerning OSU’s nickname.
2:27 p.m. ““ Bruins are down 14-12 at halftime but have a
21:37 time of possession.
What’s more, Dan Fouts has made the drippingly original
claim, “Cory Paus is absolutely on fire!”
2:28 p.m. ““ Fellow Westlake High School alumnus Mike
Seidman has over 100 yards for the second consecutive game.
My mom has asked for four years why Toledo doesn’t throw
to him more often, and look what he’s doing now that
Cory’s flipping it his way. I think my mom might make the
first domestic engineer-to-offensive coordinator jump in the
history of world employment.
2:34 p.m. ““ The Angels have responded to an early Yankee
run with one of their own, and it’s 1-1 early on. The
fundamental problem with pulling this TV viewing fandango is that
it’s a rare opportunity when all three games (yeah, I’m
intermittently watching ND-Stanford also, just out of spite for the
Harvard of the West, which rejected me about four years ago) are
all on commercial and I can make a break for the bathroom.
2:36 p.m. ““ A Notre Dame DB rips the ball away and runs it
in! 24-7 Irish! Ain’t pettiness grand? (Bonus: ND lined up
for the swinging gate on the PAT, which I haven’t seen since
Seidman was playing at WHS.)
2:41 p.m. ““ After a quick stop on Fox (still 1-1), Ricky
Manning picks off a Derek Anderson pass for a 26-14 Bruin lead.
Booyah!
2:50 p.m. ““ Garrett Anderson makes an outstanding warning
track catch but the Yanks score on the sacrifice. Two to one, bad
guys.
2:52 p.m. ““ Cory Paus is playing like Joe Montana, John
Elway and Steve Beuerlein combined. He can’t miss! Bruins
still up, 26-14.
3:00 p.m. ““ Those gutsy Halos have done it again! Shawn
Wooten hits a solo homer to tie it at two. I still need to go to
the bathroom.
3:09 p.m. ““ Darin Erstad’s blooper drops! 3-2
Angels!
3:20 p.m. ““ Cory Paus has just gone over 300 yards passing
and the Angels are up 9-2 on the NEW YORK YANKEES. What kind of
odds do you think you could have gotten in Vegas on these two
things happening within five minutes? Good enough not to have to
worry about this whole “law school” thing, that’s
for sure.
3:23 p.m. ““ The Angels finally are retired in the fifth,
after eight runs score.
3:25 p.m. ““ I lose at least 40 percent of my respect for
my buddy Sean when he accidentally switches the channel to ABC
Family, which isn’t airing a game, but is airing “¦
“Air Bud.”
3:26 p.m. ““ The czar seizes remote control rights.
3:28 p.m. ““ Little Tyler Ebell, a guy with 13 rushes all
year, goes 80 yards straight through a huge slot in the Beaver
defense. Akil Harris follows with a TD, which leaves the score at
36-21 Bruins.
3:30 p.m. ““ Jorge Posada of the Yanks hits a solo shot to
make it 9-3, and the Angel fan won’t throw it back. Could be
bad karma.
4:01 p.m. ““ Bruins can’t seem to put it away,
letting OSU back in with another TD, but UCLA secures the onside
kickoff.
4:03 p.m. ““ Wild pitch! Yankees get another run, 9-4.
4:09 p.m. ““ Bathroom. Finally. Do the math. No, not a
misprint.
4:54 p.m. ““ The Bruin game is long over (43-35), but the
Yankees are mounting something with two outs in the ninth. Images
of Dave Henderson and Donnie Moore are flickering like a Nintendo
game that won’t work.
4:56 p.m. ““ A pop-out to David Eckstein! Halos win! Halos
win! Joe Torre has that, “I can’t believe we just lost
to the effing Angels” look.
2:53 a.m. ““ (In the classic Jim Mora voice) LSAT? LSAT? I
took the LSAT yesterday? I have that “I desperately need to
find my bed” look.