Jeff Agase Agase curses his Irish roots every
time his nose gets sunburned at the Rose Bowl. E-mail him at
agase@ucla.edu.
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I’m half Irish, so I’m accustomed to hearing some
pretty demeaning things about the people of the Emerald Isle.
My mom was born there and stayed for only three months, but my
dad makes sure, with almost Prussian discipline, to, in good fun,
jab at her about (1) her people drinking too much, (2) their fair
skin, and (3) her people drinking too much.
But the Irish are nothing if not passionate about their country.
Unfortunately, their unbridled patriotism has manifested itself in
one of sport’s ““ nay, humankind’s – more
unbelievable stories.
A group within the Republic of Ireland wants to change the
country’s clocks to Korean time during the World Cup so they
can see their beloved nation play soccer live.
Oh, dear. Where do you even start when you hear something like
this?
Well, there’s always my mom’s insightful commentary
she gave me on the way to In-N-Out last week.
“Man, soccer fans are crazy,” she explained.
“I mean, they are nuts.”
While for the most part true, her analysis lacked the abrasive
sarcasm requisite from an immature college sports columnist.
Allow me.
First off, when exactly does the change take place, and when do
you sleep on that first day? The World Cup begins on May 31, so
even if Ireland makes the change at midnight May 30, the clocks
will jump ahead eight hours, and the next day will be upon
them.
So then does May 31 become a national holiday devoted to
sleeping under daylight and the owling of almost 4 million people?
Is anybody planning on working between the hours of, oh, say 6 a.m.
and 4 p.m.?
And last time I checked, Ireland has a farm or two contributing
to its GDP. Something tells me it’s going to be difficult to
maintain a steady agricultural output if everyone is so fixated on
watching soccer games that are just getting started well after that
Carson Daly show comes on.
Crazy. Just like Sharon Agase says, right?
Well, yes and no.
For starters, it seems as though the group that brought this
proposal is your typical uber-vocal minority ““ good
intentions, no doubt, but lacking in foresight. Don’t believe
that this group of pragmatically-challenged fans is in any way
representative of the good people of Ireland.
But the fact that such a group exists brings about the
frustrating realization, tucked away from our nation’s
conscience since the last World Cup in 1998, that soccer has still
yet to gain significant prominence in the American sports
landscape.
Don’t believe me?
Alright, go ahead and name the all-time leading goal scorer in
U.S. soccer history (pause for silence). Or even three players on
the U.S. World Cup team, which was announced last week (still
quiet).
OK, what’s Chandler’s last name on
“Friends”?
BING! We have a winner!
So maybe those two questions aren’t on the same difficulty
level. But the harsh reality is that the country that has long
imported the best of everything the world has to offer has yet to
get soccer past customs.
It’s not necessarily a smack on Americans to say that
we’re fairly illiterate when it comes to soccer. It’s
also not at all accurate to say that nobody in this country cares
about it, especially as it remains the most popular youth sport,
and the MLS has been able to sustain itself for seven years now
with pretty consistent attendance.
Still, we already got our chance to jump on the wagon in 1994.
We put on a good show, but it didn’t catch, and soccer went
the way of snap bracelets and Molly Ringwald.
So here we are, eight years later, with little to no complaints
about most of the World Cup coming to the States tape-delayed.
But come on, what’s the big deal? We Americans don’t
have time for crazy ideas like changing our clocks to accommodate
live soccer.
We’re too busy spending the night on concrete for
basketball games.