David Burke David Burke is a third-year
political science student. E-mail him at dburke@media.ucla.edu.
Click Here for more articles by David Burke
Way back before the world had even entered the 21st century, I
was a lowly freshman here at UCLA. I had longer hair than my mom
liked, I had three fewer parking tickets, one fewer car-towing by a
man named Hound Dog, and I was much more frightened of college
females ““ actually I was frightened of being rejected by
college females.
I know many fellow Bruins who can sympathize with me because, to
put it bluntly, being rejected after asking someone out can really,
really suck. It can make you question your confidence, your
attractiveness to others, your overall worth as a member of the
human race.
During my first year I faced what I considered to be a
monumental rejection. The object of my affection was a girl who I
absolutely thought was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.
She and I shared the same orientation session and the moment I saw
her, my heart literally beat faster. It was the kind of attraction
that does not come around very often.
So, when I saw her in class the first day of winter quarter, I
was justifiably excited. In class I was concocting schemes to get
to know her. Perhaps I would sit next to her one day. Maybe I could
suggest a study date and from there our relationship would blossom
into exclusive dating, engagement, marriage, children,
grandchildren, and grow into an everlasting love that would
transcend the boundaries of the universe and flow like an endless
river of truth and beauty.
Never mind that I really knew nothing about her at all.
In my mind everything was going to be perfect. As the quarter
progressed and tenth week drew nearer I finally gathered up the
courage to talk to her. One day after class I approached her and
proposed a study session before the next exam. After a little
coaxing I managed to get her phone number. I was ecstatic. I
thought any means that would allow me to spend some time with her
would surely lead to her succumbing to my charms.
Later that week I called the number that I had devoted so much
effort to obtaining, only to receive the response, “Hello.
Um, I think you have the wrong number.”
I dialed the number again and was again greeted with the
delightful, “Hello. Um, I think you have the wrong number
““ again.” I panicked.
I called all of the possible derivations of the phone number
only to see my hopes smashed again and again. The girl of my dreams
had given me a fake phone number.
I was rejected ““ hardcore.
If you think that being rejected was the end of the world for
me, you are 100 percent correct. For about 48 hours I engaged in a
period of unparalleled self-loathing, general moping and futile
anger ““ this girl indirectly caused me to inflict temporary
amnesia on my friend in a boxing match.
Fortunately for my other friends and for my own good, I
eventually came to my senses, matured a little, and realized some
important things about rejection.
My first realization was that rejection is not a very big deal.
If a girl who does not know me decides that she does not want to go
out with me, then so what? There are plenty of other girls on
campus and there is no point dwelling on one rejection no matter
how much it seems to matter at that time.
My second realization was that I was glad to have at least asked
her out. I would have regretted the experience if I had never said
a word to her. Can you imagine letting every person that
you’re attracted to walk in and out of your life without even
trying to know them? That’s no way to live.
Most people at UCLA want to go out on dates and would love to be
asked out. In fact, many attractive girls I have spoken with say
they will go out with anyone who asks them. I sure wish I had known
that a few years ago.
After understanding some of the truths about rejection and
dating, my life with the ladies has been vastly improved. If a fear
of rejection is keeping you from dating as much as you’d
like, change your ways and go ask somebody out. Remember, asking
somebody out is not just half the battle, it is the battle. After
that, it’s easy ““ all you have to do is be
yourself.