Jeff Agase Agase thinks that any girl
who followed all of this metaphorical nonsense and didn’t think he
was lame should have been his Valentine. E-mail him at agase@ucla.edu. Click Here
for more articles by Jeff Agase
A friend asked me in class yesterday if I had a hot date for
Valentine’s Day.
“Well,” I laughed, “I’ve got a date with
UCLA basketball, which is always interesting.”
Later that night, as I gazed at the happy couples on the
painfully cute “Kiss Cam” during the Arizona game, I
got to thinking about this Bruin team and came to an epiphany.
If UCLA basketball were to be your significant other, it’d
be one heck of a rocky relationship.
Yes, it sounds crazy.
But seriously, give me a chance here ““ it’s not as
nutty as you think.
WARNING: Overly-extended metaphor concerning UCLA basketball and
Valentine’s Day ahead.
Think about it, and be creative.
UCLA basketball is your boyfriend/girlfriend. You’ve had a
rough day (Feb. 6 to be exact). You’re exhausted and want to
crawl in a hole after bombing an Atmo. Sci. 2 midterm, falling flat
on your face on Bruin Walk and actually talking to those Lyndon
LaRouche supporters.
And there, on your doorstep, is a dozen roses/six-pack of beer.
With an imminent breakup running through your head, your
significant other comes through at the last second.
UCLA 67, USC 65.
You follow? OK, keep with me.
Two days later. You’re flying high, fresh off the
flowers/liquid medicine provided by your significant other. And
it’s your anniversary. You sit and wait for your
boyfriend/girlfriend to finally show up at the dinner you’ve
prepared.
The Bruins lazily keep up with paltry Villanova, finally taking
a four-point lead.
You see your significant other approach the restaurant,
anticipation building.
And he/she is drunk. Completely wasted. Just when you had gotten
so excited.
Villanova 58, UCLA 57.
Which brings us to UCLA-Arizona, last night ““ the closest
thing all year to a make-or-break date. You still reluctantly slept
outside their door, possibly for three days, ready to see them
Thursday night. No violin serenade, but close.
As far as you’re concerned, they’re in the doghouse.
Five straight weekend splits have you wondering why you’re in
this relationship at all.
Friends keep telling you to dump them, but you defend them, for
reasons you can’t even fathom.
“You just don’t know them yet,” you plead.
“They’re really great once you get to know
them.”
Sound familiar at all? That’s what people say when
they’re in a volatile relationship.
We’re still talking about the team, here, folks. Just want
to keep you up to speed.
And because every Bruin game is itself a microcosm of the
season, your emotions peak and bottom out during the two-hour
date.
Matt Barnes’ blistering, beautiful dish underneath to a
dunking Dan Gadzuric is the equivalent of a steak dinner. His
fumble turnovers feel more like being swiped into the dining
halls.
The eight-point deficit has you worried that it all might end
tonight. The Pac-10 is on the line. Your relationship is on the
line.
One minute left ““ their last chance to sweep you off your
feet and keep this thing going. And they let Jason Gardner hit a
three from somewhere near Santa Monica.
But you stand, and you chant, and you hope and you know that
they usually make it all right.
Jason Kapono hits an equally staggering three, giving them the
lead and your blood pressure roofs out. Nineteen seconds feel like
nineteen centuries, but they pull it out.
These guys are all right, you think.
“We like to keep you guys guessing,” freshman guard
Cedric Bozeman said.
Guessing or stressing?
Which begs another question.
Why do fools fall in love?