Mike Maloney Maloney ran out and rented
the Tony Danza epic, ‘The Garbage Picking, Field Goal Kicking,
Philadelphia Phenomenon’ just for this column. E-mail him at
mmaloney@ucla.edu.
It was a game plagued by mistakes and miscues, fumbles and
foibles. But it was Ohio State’s field goal and extra point unit
that provided an extra special display of futility. Let’s face it,
not since Lucy held for Charlie Brown has there been a less
effective kicking game. The Buckeyes’ not-so-dynamic duo of
freshmen kickers Mike Nugent and Josh Huston missed all three kicks
they attempted on the day (wide right, wide right and wide left for
those of you who chart this sort of thing at home). The third and
final miss prompted a shocked, yet utterly gleeful UCLA student
section to begin a chant of ‘Junior College!’ However, in all
honesty, such a barb might not be fair to all those JC kickers out
there. With Ohio State’s offense in a Bruin chokehold for the
better part of 60 minutes, the Buckeyes were in desperate need of
any scoring opportunities they could get their hands on. And while
a first quarter blocked punt would result in an OSU touchdown, it
was the extra point attempt that followed that would set the tone
for the rest of the afternoon. The exuberance on the Ohio State
sideline was quickly rubbed out as they watched Nugent shoot his
extra point attempt wide right past the uprights. Instead of a tied
game, UCLA retained a 7-6 lead, one they would not relinquish the
rest of the game. Now, it’s important to realize that the missed
extra point ranks right up there with running out of beer at your
tailgate party as the most disappointing occurrence in college
football. For the uninitiated, the PAT is about an 18-yard kick
lined up right between the uprights (i.e. the big tall yellow posts
that stick up into the air). This is the same kick a middle-aged
fan randomly chosen out of the crowd, one who hasn’t kicked a ball
since that unfortunate accident in his fourth grade karate class,
can make at halftime of a game to secure himself a lifetime supply
of tube socks. As the football gods would have it, the errant
Nugent would almost immediately have a chance to redeem himself.
The Buckeyes’ first of a quartet of fumble recoveries gave them a
first-and-10 at the Bruin 15-yard line. A five-play, four-yard
drive ‘ downright efficient by Ohio State standards ‘ set up a chip
shot, 28-yard field goal attempt. Of course, when you’ve just
missed an extra point (a gimme putt, to stick with the golf
terminology), the term ‘chip shot’ probably just isn’t in your
vocabulary. Regardless, Nugent’s shot … er … kick at redemption
sailed wide right ‘ again. Scott Norwood never looked so good. Not
surprisingly, when it came time for another field goal attempt
early in the second half, Nugent didn’t have to worry about
strapping on his helmet. Instead, fellow frosh Josh Huston trotted
onto the field to miss a 32-yarder. Given the type of day Ohio
State was having, they could have brought out one of those kicking
Budweiser horses, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. For the
rest of the day, whenever OSU faced a fourth down in field goal
range, they decided to stop gambling. They went for it every time.
After the game, Buckeye head coach Jim Tressel, when asked about
his kickers, replied: ‘They’re young. I’ve been around a lot of
good kickers in my life. When all of them were young they had their
moments." Certainly not moments a coach would care to remember.
Three missed kicks under ideal conditions: a warm day with little
wind, good snaps, and the laces out. At least Charlie Brown had
Lucy to blame. Good grief.