EDITORIAL BOARD Christine Byrd
 Editor in Chief
Michael Litschi
 Managing Editor
Jonah Lalas
 Viewpoint Editor
Barbara Ortutay
 News Editor
Amy Golod
 Staff Representative
Timothy Kudo
 Staff Representative
Brian O’Camb
 Staff Representative
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It’s the year 2010. Tidal Wave II has hit the University
of California and the prospects look dismal. Not only is UCLA
unable to accommodate the massive influx of students, it’s
also going broke. With both money and available space on campus
decreasing, UCLA turns to its preferred method of solving problems:
selling parts of our campus.
Students brand the UC the “University of
Corporations” as they walk to their morning class in Xerox
Hall, passing by Microsoft Plaza and the Pepsi Inverted Fountain.
Students can no longer go to Pauley Pavilion ““ it was taken
over by Staples and painted bright purple.
But students can’t protest at regents’ meetings
about the corporate university because the UC itself is owned by
Disney. The Anderson School at UCLA is now a feeder school for
corporate conglomerates. It has expanded over all of North Campus,
obliterating every other department and becoming a gated
community.
For many students, the corporatization of the UC is the least of
their problems, since admissions have become even more
exclusive.
And we can’t turn to affirmative action for help, because
the Supreme Court, still under the conservative dominance of Chief
Justice Antonin Scalia, declared it unconstitutional throughout the
nation.
Admissions are more formulaic than ever; in fact, they’re
done by computer and based entirely on standardized testing and
GPAs in advanced placement courses.
Owing to this, diversity at UCLA no longer exists. At least
Disney arranged for the California Adventure Parade to tread down
Bruin Walk ““ after all, the pseudo-cultural experience
students get from the parade eliminates the need for a diversity
requirement.
SP-1 and 2, the measures prohibiting the use of race, gender and
ethnicity in admissions and hiring, which were repealed in May,
2001, are back. And Ward Connerly ““ who regrettably is still
a regent ““ has managed to pass SP-3, which reinforces his
Racial Privacy Initiative, prohibiting the collection of racial
information for statistical data.
No one really expected the housing and parking situation to get
any better ““ and it hasn’t. Students have to take an
elevator to play soccer on the intramural field since it’s
now on top of a 10-story parking structure.
And since DeNeve Plaza is still not finished, the residence
halls have been converted into barracks with hundreds of bunk beds
lining the halls on each floor. Students can’t turn to
Westwood for comfort: apartment prices have skyrocketed beyond the
reach of all but the wealthiest students. And the homeowners add
insult to injury by lobbying for an 8 p.m. curfew during finals
week to quash Midnight Yell once and for all.
But if students can take comfort in one thing, it is the fact
that they won’t be at the university for long. With the
ever-increasing unit limits and requirements, they take six classes
per quarter and graduate in two years. They don’t have time
to join student groups or get a part-time job ““ but that
doesn’t matter since UC students are wealthy enough to make
this unimportant.
The tenure problem is not an issue any more. Professors are
content in knowing teaching won’t have to get in the way of
their research, since their lectures will be videotaped and reused
year after year.
But students have learned to live with a decline in the quality
of education because, even if the university isn’t a better
place, at least they can get a degree with the speed and efficiency
only a corporation can provide.
Our mission statement reads, “UCLA: Over one million
students served daily.”