Girlfriends are a hassle. That’s right, and while we are
at it let’s not forget that boyfriends aren’t always a
walk in the park either.
But sooner or later, we all decide to sacrifice our own little
fortress of solitude at the altar of intimacy. Because finding
someone who is willing to put up with all your little
idiosyncrasies is sometimes all you need to make putting up with
their faults worthwhile.
So you do it. You take the plunge headfirst into the whirlpool
that is a relationship. And you know what? Often, you like where
you end up.
So we make the trade. We give up the various luxuries of
independence for the comfort of having someone who actually finds
our neuroses endearing. Sure, you can’t bring home that
hottie who’s been flirting with you at the bar for a cheap
night of thrilling surprises and delights. But that’s all
right, because you’ve already got someone waiting for you,
someone who you can be sure looks good with or without beer
goggles.
That, my friends, is the trade we all make sooner or later. At
least most of us do. But apparently there are more than a few
people out there who are convinced that they can have their cake
and eat it too.
And c’mon, who doesn’t want to have their cake and
eat it too? But unfortunately that is just not the way things work
in this society. Because if that were the case, cigarettes would be
good for you, eating french fries would burn calories and pints of
beer would be eternally bottomless. But as I am reminded on a daily
basis, that is simply not the way things go. Instead, we have been
taught since a young age to weigh options and make logical and
responsible decisions ““ to choose to eat our peas or forego
dessert, to clean our rooms or have our cartoon privileges revoked,
to make it home by curfew or be grounded from the winter formal
(actually, maybe that wasn’t so bad).
So what about those cake-gobbling fiends I was alluding to
earlier? You know, the people who think they deserve the amenities
of having someone to stuff and mount on their wall of commitment,
without having to forsake their love of the hunt. These are the
people who are doing their best to shatter yet another childhood
delusion that I once held so dear ““ that only marriage meant
committing yourself and your life to one (and only one) person, for
better or for worse, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Oh, but you’re not married yet, right? There ain’t
no ring on your finger. You’re still young, and you would be
cheating yourself if you didn’t at least explore the other
options that present themselves in tube tops and capri pants. I
mean, you could miss out on some great experiences. You are only in
college once and what better time is there to embark on a journey
of frequent and anonymous sexual conquests? How do you know
you’ve got the best guy on the team if you don’t give
each player at least one turn at bat? But when you do finally wake
up one morning and find that someone slipped a ring onto that
finger, you’ll settle down and relinquish your wild ways.
Fine, if you think you’ll be able to make that transition,
you have my blessing. But consider for at least a moment that there
probably isn’t a husband or wife out there who didn’t
stand at that altar with a heart full of hope and a head full of
lofty promises and virtuous intentions. I promise you, temptation
does not vanish simply because you mumble the words “I
do.” Your life will always be lined with tantalizing mirages
that threaten to lead you astray, and seductive potholes to trip
you up and make you falter.
But people have navigated safely through, by making a choice and
sticking to it, as tough as that may be at times.
And the fact is, practice makes perfect. Whether or not the
person you are currently with is someone you could envision
yourself actually marrying, you are still in a relationship. On
some level, that relationship is like practicing for the big game,
the final game, the championship. So if you can’t make it to
the end zone in practice without stepping out of bounds a few
times, how do you know you’ll be able to do any better when
it really counts?
But I’m jumping ahead, right? Because we’re still
young. There is no reason you shouldn’t be able to the play
the field for a while if that is what you so desire. And as far as
I am concerned, you have every right to pursue that lifestyle and I
will be the last one to look down on you for it. But all I ask of
you is to have the integrity to make that choice and respect the
parameters that come along with it. I have a problem with those
people who try to play the field, yet are afraid to walk out the
door unless they are sure that there is someone waiting at home to
remind them that they are loved.
So this is my request of you, in the name of marriage, loyalty
and fidelity: I implore you to make a choice. If you can’t
commit fully to someone, have the courage to be alone. The person
you may currently be in a relationship with deserves at least that
much. Sure, you could hide behind the whole “what they
don’t know won’t hurt them” defense, but
c’mon ““ who are you kidding? If you truly do love the
person you are with, you owe them more than that sad cop-out.
With the preponderance of stories currently being pandered by
the mass media involving extra-marital monkey business, the ideal
of marriage is already ailing. And frankly, it is up to us to
restore this feeble institution to everything it was originally
intended to embody. Call me an optimist, but I a firmly believe the
divorce rate will begin to decline with our generation. We are
among the first to come of age in a society where it is not
necessarily expected that we all find a spouse and settle down as
quickly as possible. Nor is the suburban, 2.5 children, two-car
garage life the right answer for everyone.
I would like to think that as we begin to couple off and
disappear into the land of matrimony, we are doing so of our own
volition. Hopefully, we have put responsible and logical thought
into it. And since it will be a decision that is truly our own
making, it would be nice to think that we will respect the
parameters of that decision.
I do realize that I am currently standing on a pretty feeble
soapbox, because I haven’t been married yet and I
haven’t walked a mile in those shoes.
But when it comes down to it, all any of us really have is our
word. The more we submit to the temptations of our dating world,
the less meaning those little words “I do” will hold
when we finally do find ourselves mumbling them.