Many people were upset about the passage of Proposition 22, the
gay marriage ban (not enough people to defeat the proposition, but
hey, that’s what Orange County can do to a state). Much of the
discrimination we see against homosexuals can be traced to
religious sources. But believe it or not, one religious group has
finally come out in favor of gay marriage: Jews.
  A few weeks ago the Central Conference of American
Rabbis adopted a resolution (available at www.ccarnet.org)
declaring that Reform rabbis would perform gay commitment
ceremonies. Rabbi Charles Kroloff, vice president of the CCAR told
CNN the resolution expresses the belief that "gay and lesbian Jews
and the committed relationships they form with their partners,
deserve the recognition and respect due to people created in the
image of God." Of course, Jews have been trying to get that respect
for 5,000 years, too. But keep on trying!
  Rabbi Eric Weiss, executive director of the Bay Area
Jewish Healing Center said, "This is a call to all religious
denominations to bring the same prophetic voice to lift our nations
from the bonds of prejudice to embrace all members of the American
family."
  Many prominent Jews were happy with the decision.
Openly gay Jewish actor Harvey Fierstien said, "I think it’s
wonderful that the Jewish community “š ack! Ack!" He sadly
then choked to death on his own voice.
  When asked his opinion, little Elian Gonzalez said,
"Can’t you people leave me alone for five minutes? Just let me get
my damn tricycle and leave, already!" He was then also asked his
opinions on the environment, OPEC, Austrian parliamentary procedure
and horse breeding. Catch the complete interview between Gonzalez
and Elijah Wood on ABC (motto: manipulative drivel in easy to
swallow craplets!).
  I personally think that the rabbis showed a lot of
courage in adopting the resolution, but I don’t know if they fully
thought out the consequences. Many questions a child has may never
be resolved because of a glitch in the standard delegation of
responsibility that all parents use. Observe:
  Timmy: Mom, do watermelons dream?
  Mom: I don’t know. Go ask your mother.
  Timmy: Mom, do watermelons dream?
  Mom #2: I don’t know. Go ask your mother.
  This loop has the potential to extend indefinitely.
But to answer your question, Little Timmy, yes, watermelons have
dreams, but they’re highly Oedipal and you don’t want to know about
them. Go ask your mother.
  It’s great to see a religious group finally come out
in favor of gay marriage. Unfortunately it’s one of the
smallest.
  It’s highly doubtful that groups like the Christian
Coalition would ever support gay marriage the way the Reform Jews
have. This comes out of 1) homophobia, 2) anti-homosexual biblical
quotes and 3) never having heard the phrase, "It’s none of your
damn business!"
  You’d think that the Christian brass would come out
for gay marriage, seeing as their whole thing is supposed to be
about loving people, live and let live, and that "do unto others"
sort of stuff. But hey, we couldn’t let those rules extend to gay
people. That’s something Jesus might do. I suppose compassion can’t
confound conformity, can it Cardinal?
  On his Web site, Rev. Jerry Falwell makes reference
to an organization called NARTH, the National Association for
Research and Therapy for Homosexuality (www.narth.com). It believes
that homosexuality is a clinical disorder that is treatable by
therapy. Of course as any reputable psychologist will tell you, the
best thing for you is denial and repression. With a little hard
work and brainwashing, you can rid yourself of homosexual urges,
liberalism, Judaism, free will and any other number of cumbersome
semblances of individuality.
  Apparently the organization claims that homosexuals
suffer from a host of problems including self-loathing, fear of
intimacy and predilections toward chemical abuse. Hmm. Those are
also the symptoms caused by being a pariah. Paging Nathaniel
Hawthorne.
  Also on the opposing side of gay marriage is
controversial radio shrink Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who has said in
regards to homosexual rights (including marriage), "Rights? For
sexual deviants, sexual behavior, there are now rights? That’s what
I’m worried about with the pedophilia and the bestiality and the
sado-masochism and the cross-dressing. Is this all going to be
rights, too? Why does deviant sexual behavior get rights?" (Find
this and other quotes like it at www.tompaine.com.)
  I don’t find that statement to be the least bit
funny; in fact, it’s scary. First of all, social deviants do have
rights (free speech, fair trial, no cruel and unusual punishment,
to name a few). Second, sado-masochism falls under kinky. No one is
prohibited from unusual sex. Third, sex must be consensual, else it
be rape. Children and animals can’t consent, therefore pedophilia
and bestiality are considered criminal acts. Homosexuality involves
two consenting adults expressing their love for one another. To
call homosexuality "deviant" and "a biological error," as
Schlessinger has, is equivalent to declaring that African American
people are subhuman.
  As former Congresswoman Pat Schroeder said, "The
pledge of allegiance says ‘with liberty and justice for all.’ What
part of ‘all’ is unclear?" (www.stopdrlaura.com).
  I would equate the NARTH scientists with the guys
who came out with the study that you can tell if someone is gay
based on the length of their ring finger. I only have one finger
for them, and it’s plenty long.
  With such scientists and leading religious figures
aligned against them, it seems highly unlikely that gay marriages
will become a legal reality. That’s why if gay activists want to
make any progress, they need to find an icon that homophobes can
relate to.
  That’s why I’m unveiling an anti-stereotypical gay
sheep. This sheep is a Christian symbol who teaches children about
tolerance, nutrition and fire safety. Remember, Jesus loves all the
sheep in his flock, even the black ones.