Tuesday, January 26, 1999
Amorous brew
TRENDS: Forget clubs and bars,
coffeehouses are emerging
as the newest way to meet people
By Stacy Sare
Daily Bruin Contributor
Although contemporary self-help authors can hold as many varying
opinions about dating as one can about how many different
vegetables can be tossed into a salad, most agree that meeting a
potential romantic partner at a cafe or coffeehouse is a plus and
meeting one at a bar is a minus.
Guides like Judy Kuriansky’s "The Complete Idiot’s Guide to
Dating," (Macmillan) and Joy Browne’s "Dating for Dummies" (Harper
Collins) have begun to advise against the alcohol-laden atmosphere
of clubs and bars in favor of the safer, non-toxic environment of
coffeehouses.
"Because food is already a symbol of love, eating can easily set
the stage for romance," Kuriansky writes. "Additions such as piano
bars in restaurants and coffeebars in bookstores have made finding
opportunities to chit-chat much easier."
Edward Elliot, doctor of psychiatry and UCLA clinical professor,
agrees that meeting someone in a bar could cause "problems" in a
blossoming relationship.
"People use alcohol to lower their fears and inhibitions in
order to deal with their fear of rejection in talking with
strangers," Elliot says. "One of the main problems is that there is
an increased risk of getting involved with an alcoholic and all the
problems that that may cause."
So where can singles meet these days?
Many people have been meeting each other while relaxing,
listening to soft music and having "a cup of joe."
Mystic Joe (2311 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica) a 6-week-old
coffeehouse designed and built by owners Joe Newman and Jim
Janlekha, serves everything from French-pressed coffee, herbal tea
and smoothies to sandwiches, scones and pastries.
Newman says he thinks people are tired of bar courtship.
"I think people are sick of meeting people in bars, basically
because everyone’s been drinking," Newman says. "You make
particular decisions, particularly about sex and relationships, and
you make compromising decisions that you wouldn’t make if you were
sober."
Newman talks about the stereotype that often accompanies meeting
someone in a bar.
"People’s assumption is if someone’s hitting on you in a bar
they want to sleep with you that night," Newman says.
Newman says bars aren’t wrong for everybody, he just says that
that’s what people have been used to.
"Until coffee shops, they were one of the only games in town, so
you had to play," Newman says.
But in the ’90s, singles are looking for something more
substantial.
Newman acknowledges that while people like meeting people when
they "have a buzz on," knowing somebody a little better before they
start going out with them is healthy.
"At a coffeehouse there’s a chance that things start out a
little slower, maybe you see each other and develop a friendship,
know the same circle of friends, before you start dating somebody,"
Newman says.
A small cafe with dim lights and soft music can add to the
intimacy of a romantic atmosphere. Coffeehouse owners who know 80
percent of their customers, like Newman, can play matchmaker to
their guests.
"It’s just like I’m a host. Because I know everyone, I can
introduce people," Newman says. "When people sit down, I’m going to
introduce them to the people next to them and maybe the people on
the other side.
"As the evening goes, they might end up knowing everyone in the
room."
Unlike the small, intimate atmosphere of Newman’s coffeehouse is
the "let’s get a quick cup of coffee and pastry and get down to
study" atmosphere of the campus’ Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. Despite the
study-heavy aura, Kerckhoff senior supervisor Erica Ramirez, an
American literature and culture and Chicana/o studies student, says
a lot of people meet to have a first date at Kerckhoff. She says
what might not make Kerckhoff appealing for single people is that
it’s "quite large."
"Because it’s on campus, we do have people studying and we do
have people interacting. But, it’s not the same environment as soft
music," Ramirez says.
One of the intimate spots UCLA students frequent is the Novel
Cafe (212 Pier Ave., Santa Monica). The Novel, a 24-hour
coffeehouse shelved with thousands of books, is a home away from
home for many students. Iglu Ozler, a UCLA political science
graduate student, says her friend Kelly, also a UCLA graduate
student, met her boyfriend there.
"They got to talking. They dated for awhile and now they’re
living together," Ozler says.
Katie Chung, co-owner of the Novel, says she sees a lot of
people getting to know each other at night.
"Late at night, after they eat, they come and hang out," Chung
says. "I see people striking up conversations and hitting it
off."
Chung agrees with Newman that singles are getting tired of bars
and clubs.
"I think people eventually get burnt out of the whole club
scene. They eventually like to go to a coffeehouse just to relax,
talk or work," Chung says. "It’s a good way to unwind and not have
to feel the pressure that you have to impress anyone.
Chung says meeting people at the cafe is a more natural process
as opposed to a "pick up scene."
"People are actually nicer here. They’re not aggressive or
anything," Chung says. "I think in the most natural way people
really want to get to know the person rather than pick them
up."
Novel Cafe customer Joseph Farruggia, a working screenwriter who
spends 12 hours a day at the cafe, says the cafe is a convenient
place for him to meet people.
"Well, frankly, I’m going to be here anyway and there’s always a
steady stream of people," Farruggia says. "There’s always that
opportunity there, as well as getting your work done."
Farruggia says he likes the casual and intellectual ambience
that a coffeehouse offers.
"A person can explore the mind and thoughts and have a casual
conversation, without it having to be overtly sexual," Farruggia
says. "In a club, you know why the person is there."
As a dating network, coffeehouses are evolving and becoming a
healthier way to meet people as we head into the new
millennium.
Newman describes how they appeared to him in the beginning and
where he sees them going.
"Perhaps they started out with a pretentious air. You sit alone
with your book or your laptop alone and you look like you’re
terribly successful or terribly something, but alone," Newman
says.
"As they evolve to take the place of bars, I see them turning
into funky clubs, like a jazz club. There’s going to be intelligent
vibrant conversation and lots of people meeting other people," he
says optimistically. "It’s like a dinner party."MICHAEL ROSS
WACHT/Daily Bruin Senior Staff
Mystic Joe, a coffeehouse in Santa Monica, features live music
on the weekends.
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