Monday, July 13, 1998
‘Small Soldiers’ goes AWOL on quality
FILM: Computer effects can’t save action figures from cliched
dialogue
By Lonnie Harris
Daily Bruin Staff
One of the bland computer-generated characters in "Small
Soldiers," after losing his legs in a freak accident with a kitchen
garbage disposal, manages to pull himself, through pained, clenched
teeth, back to the front lawn to join the rest of his comrades.
After dying a painful, on-screen death, the other soldiers remove
the character’s head. And this scene is supposed to be comic
relief.
"Small Soldiers" is a film without an audience, an obnoxious
collection of insipid catch-phrases and violent mayhem which
manages to alienate any possible age group that might be interested
in the film’s whimsical storyline.
The soldiers themselves are nothing but common action figures,
designed by a toy company which recently was involved in a hostile
takeover with a major corporation called Globotech. At the
insistence of Globotech’s wealthy and powerful CEO (Denis Leary),
the toy designers install military microprocessors in the brains of
these toys, causing them to "come to life" and wreak havoc in
small-town America.
This setup could have been a lot of fun, with children bonding
with their toys and living out realistic battles with action
figures. Instead, the screenwriters opted to make the film a
technology laden mess. "Small Soldiers" is another in a long line
of summer films that are actually hindered by the new computer
techniques.
To be sure, the action figure characters look impressive.
Industrial Light and Magic (which created the dinosaurs for
"Jurassic Park" and the spaceships in "Star Wars") has made little
creatures that seem to think, feel and appear capable of some of
the incredible stunts they undertake. This technology is so
impressive that the filmmakers feel it unnecessary to instill any
personality or liveliness into these dull characters. What the
audience is left with is a lot of special effects that never really
become characters – just blips on a movie screen incapable of
affecting the audience. The "small soldiers" are so dull to watch
that it is nearly impossible to differentiate one from another and
nearly impossible to remember any characters’ names.
This is not the fault of the voice-over actors (including Tommy
Lee Jones, Ernest Borgnine and Harry Shearer). Instead, the blame
should be placed squarely on the heads of the screenwriters. Almost
every line of dialogue is composed of random catch phrases taken
from movies and television shows, creating a final product more
like a juvenile, hackneyed "Pulp Fiction" than a creative
children’s movie.
Calling "Small Soldiers" a children’s movie is, in itself, a
false statement. The film could only be considered suitable for
children because such simplicity could not have possibly been
designed for any other age group. Though young males may find the
subject of live military action figures amusing, the film doesn’t
give them any sort of payoff that makes it worth watching.
Not only are the characters too lifeless to capture the interest
of any child, but the dialogue is strewn with references to pop
culture that no child would be familiar with, including parodies of
"Apocalypse Now," "The Dirty Dozen," "All Quiet on the Western
Front" and "Patton." Apparently the screenwriters imagined
10-year-old filmgoers with an expansive knowledge of classic war
films. Certainly they must not have believed that adults who would
appreciate this humor would enjoy the rest of this juvenile
lunacy.
Even if they could understand the movie, parents may not want
their children to watch "Small Soldiers" because of its often
inappropriate subject matter and message. Some of the morals that
find their way into the movie are: "The only way to impress females
is through violence," "If someone attacks you, the only recourse is
to fight back" and "Money can buy you happiness." The violent
shenanigans of the soldiers are apparently supposed to be humorous,
but often it is twisted and offensive in scenes which deal with
decapitations, stabbings and electrocutions.
"Small Soldiers" then finds itself without any real appeal.
Children will be turned away by some of the graphic, threatening
violence, and adults will be bored instantly by the film’s lack of
wit or personality. One disappointment after another, "Small
Soldiers" is a poor excuse for family entertainment.
Archer (voice by Frank Langella) is the emissary of the
Gorgonites, which battles with its sworn enemy, the Commando
Elite.