Thursday, November 6, 1997
Married with Classes
Recent Ph.D. student Cindy Grutzik and her husband Joe balance
parenthood with university life
By Trina Enriquez
Daily Bruin Contributor
Morning sunlight streams through windows flung wide open as
several toddlers wander in and out of the room. Looking slightly
befuddled, one little girl with hair still mussed from sleep rubs
her eyes before joining a little boy munching cereal at the table.
A home video plays on the television, while more neighbors trickle
in to fetch their children and chat with one another before
starting their morning routines.
Such is a typical scene at Family Student Housing, part of
University Apartments South in Mar Vista.
Both single parents and married couples – like Joe and Cindy
Grutzik, parents of a 20-month-old Petra Luna – live in the
apartment complex.
"Every morning everyone eats together – either kids come to our
place, or we go to a neighbor’s," said Cindy. "It’s like an
informal day care."
The little community is a close-knit family – great for parents
like Cindy who are also UCLA students.
Cindy graduated from UCLA with a Ph.D. in education and
currently works 20 hours a week as a post-doctoral fellow on the
UCLA Charter School Study, on which she also wrote her
dissertation.
Her husband Joe currently works at home, negotiating a marketing
contract with a company in Taiwan for a special bike he designed.
He works from 11 p.m. to 2 a.m., which actually works out well
because he’s at work during Taiwan’s business day.
Technically, this allows him to devote full attention to
daughter Petra until Cindy comes home at around 2 p.m. and takes
over.
"We tag-team, but it’s super-flexible," said Joe. "Cindy may
have more stuff to do, so I’ll keep watching Petra."
Otherwise, Cindy takes over so Joe has some time to do his own
thing.
"It works out like a base camp, where one of us can go up the
mountain while the other keeps the base functioning," Cindy said.
"Then we switch off."
Living off Pete’s Scraps
After Cindy leaves for school, Joe and Petra have the morning to
themselves. They join a couple other parents and children milling
around the central courtyard, which is littered with bright red
wagons, steel tricycles and a multi-colored Little Tikes car that
all the toddlers share.
Sometime later, Joe calls to his daughter, who is trying to
follow a young neighbor up a tree. "Wanna go to the airport and
watch planes take off, Pete?" asks Joe, using a pet nickname of
Petra’s. "Or how about the park? Do you want to go swing?"
Mornings are usually spent this way after Petra eats breakfast.
"Whatever Pete doesn’t finish is what I live on," Joe says,
somewhat amused.
"She’s a happy kid, always laughing," Joe continued. "You can’t
be in a bad mood around her."
He adds that he and Petra have a fairly structured day, "but
it’s not written in stone. Basically it’s organized around when
Petra needs to eat and sleep."
After Joe and Petra come back home from their walk, he puts her
down for a nap. While Petra sleeps, he has time to make a few calls
and otherwise take care of a few loose ends. By the time Petra
wakes up, Cindy has returned home.
Career vs. Family (with Spiders)
While Joe takes care of Petra in the morning, Cindy works in a
cubicle in the Moore Hall basement. As project manager of the UCLA
Charter School Study, she may have meetings, or work on a budget.
Or she may write a case report on the complexity of a 1992
California law allowing schools to receive government funding
without being held to government regulations.
Cindy’s schedule is flexible, although she tries to set her
hours at fairly regular intervals. She finishes work by about 2
p.m., and from there takes the bus home.
As she makes her way to the bus stop through the sweltering heat
on campus, Cindy muses about her position as a mother doing
research at UCLA.
"It’s sort of the classic ‘family or career’ struggle," Cindy
says. "As a student having a (child), it was good for me to be able
to structure my own program. People I work with have been
supportive and flexible with hours and space."
She pauses as the bus careens through a turn. "UCLA has some
great child care, but not enough," Cindy emphasizes. "Students need
on-site child care. We’ve been on the wait list for a year."
As Cindy comes in through the courtyard of the apartment
complex, she whistles a little tune at the open window upstairs,
and Joe meets her at the door. In a low voice, he explains that
Petra is still taking her nap. So he and Cindy take these few
minutes to sit down and chat quietly about their day.
Just as Cindy is about to get up and change into khakis, Petra
toddles in, wearing nothing but a diaper. With cheeks rosy and
begging to be pinched, her face lights up the moment she sees her
mother. She runs to her with arms outstretched, and Cindy scoops
her up. Petra lays her head against Cindy’s shoulder and softly
pats her back.
After setting her down, Cindy and Joe resume talking until Petra
cries for their attention. So Joe gets up from the sofa to take his
daughter downstairs to play with the toys and look for spiders.
According to Joe, Petra loves them.
Meanwhile Cindy pads around in bare feet, getting ready to do
the wash. "Joe’s unique in that we have an equal division of
labor," she smiled. "If Joe weren’t willing to take care of Pete,
or if his job was outside the home, I don’t know how I could
balance work with being a mom."
Cindy is technically no longer a student, but easily relates to
life as a married student with a child, having only recently
graduated from UCLA. "I was working full-time as a student, and
there was always some assignment or other hanging over my head. I
could never really leave my work at school."
Cindy pauses, and then adds, "I’m really loving these afternoons
where I can just come home and play with Petra, and not have to
worry about work."
A Crowd of Toddlers
Joe and Cindy share an affectionate kiss before Cindy heads back
to the apartment with an armload of linen. From there, Joe decides
to go for an afternoon run while Cindy takes Petra to their plot in
a community garden several blocks away.
A neighbor, Karima Razi and her little boy Zane join Cindy and
Petra on their walk to the garden, which is situated next to a
Little League field. As the two mothers swop tidbits of advice, the
two children keep up a running commentary of baby talk and gurgly
giggles. With bright plastic garden tools in hand, Zane and Petra
"help" out while Cindy waters the thyme and parsley. There is an
occasional skirmish over who gets what tool, but the two mothers
are quick to employ their diplomacy skills with the crying
toddlers.
By the time the group returns home, Joe has finished his run.
Several other children play in the courtyard while their parents
enjoy the cool evening and the sunset, which has painted the clouds
a vivid orange and brilliant pink against the violet sky.
Cindy goes upstairs to fix pasta with zucchini from a local
farmer’s market for dinner. While she does, Joe works on his
computer and Petra continues to play. After dinner is "baby time,"
when Petra is given her bath, and either Joe or Cindy read her a
story before tucking her into bed.
Once their daughter falls asleep, Joe and Cindy have time to
themselves to read mail, pay bills, make plans for the week and
basically tie up loose ends for the day.
Taking Turns
Joe and Cindy handle their responsibilities successfully because
they work well together and remain staunchly supportive of one
another.
"As a mother and student, it can be especially hard to fit
everything into specific time chunks. You can’t sit through the
entire length of every meeting or an interesting lecture, because
you need to go home and take care of your child."
However, she added, "I’m really lucky. Joe and I have a good
relationship, and that makes a difference."
She speculates that life would have been very different if she
was married with a child as an undergrad. "Socially, I would’ve
missed out on the spontaneity of getting together with friends,
pulling all-nighters, even doing study groups and dorm life. I
probably would’ve gone to a local college, too."
Joe and Cindy have overcome other challenges with which they
have been faced in the past, though. Last year at this time, Cindy
devoted nearly 24 hours a day, seven days a week for about three
months to writing her dissertation on teachers’ work in charter
schools. Joe took on her responsibilities so that she could finish
her work more quickly.
"It was really hard," says Joe, "but you just have to focus,
know what you want and understand what’s going on."
After all, he concludes, "She supported me while I was getting
my degree (in engineering from the University of Arizona), so we
had experience in what it takes to get through that."
Cindy reiterates that they feel very fortunate to live where
they do. "It’s a pretty good deal, easy to get to and from school,
and the neighbors are great," she says, smiling. "There are so many
little kids here, which is great for Petra."(Left) After dinner,
Cindy (r) plays with Petra (l) and Alejandro (center), a neighbor’s
son whom she is babysitting. Below) Joe helps Petra down an
intimidating flight of stairs.Cindy hands her daughter a cup of
juice as Joe prepares toast for breakfast. They start their day
early, and Cindy usually leaves for school on the Santa Monica Bus
by 8 a.m.