Tuesday, January 7, 1997
FOOTBALL:
Nothing beats watching the Niners taste defeat
I cannot remember the last time I was so happy to see a
professional team lose a game, but when the Green Bay Packers
trotted off the frozen tundra at Lambeau Field with the scalps of
the San Francisco 49ers hanging out of their back pockets, it was
really hard not to smile.
I don’t like any of the teams from up north even though I reside
in the land underwater. However, there is no team that bothers me
more than the Niners.
It really is frustrating when your favorite team gets an
Associated Press paragraph on Monday morning while the local hacks
gush over the red and gold-clad devils on the gridiron. When, every
Sunday, your nemesis is on television for three hours while your
beloved merits a McDonald’s Game Break, at best.
As all my friends cheer the Niners to another 42-3 pasting of
the Falcons, I can only sit and wait for the Miami Dolphins score
to be shown.
It all started back in 1985, when my dear Dolphins were
throttled in Super Bowl XIX by Joe Montana, Roger Craig, Fred Dean
and others, 38-16.
Just to add salt to the wound, the game was played in the
Niners’ backyard at Stanford Stadium. The one time a real Big Game
is played in that rat’s nest, those spoiled Niners get home field
advantage.
Then, to top it off, there was that ridiculous Diet Pepsi
commercial with Dan Marino telling a smug Joe Montana, "Next year,
I’m buying" when all he would do was get rocked by the Patriots in
the AFC championship the following year.
If the Niners had just sunk back into mediocrity, there would be
no problem but no, every morning, there they are, doing something
else to annoy me, as if hogging the sports page isn’t enough.
Every time a crisis arises, I hope that this might signal the
end so that the Saints can rise in New Orleans, but fate always
smiles on the 49ers.
Bill Walsh, perhaps the most innovative coach in history, gets
sent down the river and the Niners go for the "Personality Free"
variety of head coach in George Seifert.
Roger Craig and Dwight Clark retire or move on; Ricky Watters
and Jerry Rice get plucked from the bottom of the first round.
Joe finally gets his walking papers and what happens? Steve
Young, that’s what.
Every time I had to watch that guy take a busted play, break 15
tackles, run over a 250-pound linebacker, lose his helmet, vault
over the goal line with the winning touchdown and then vomit all
over himself on the sideline, with John Madden yelling, "BOOM!" the
whole time, well, it was enough to make me burn my Steve Young
football cards in effigy.
The tide began to turn last off-season, for while everyone knew
that the Niners were one running back short of the Super Bowl, the
front office seemed to have forgotten. Seeing Rodney Hampton
re-sign with the Giants was the first step.
Step Two was the replacement of Steve Wallace at left tackle
with … Steve Wallace. Any player who has a sponge on top of his
helmet, making his head look like a mushroom with a blanket on is
going to have a hard time keeping Reggie White intimidated.
Step Three, and likely the final nail in the coffin, came in the
form of a 35-14 thumping at the hands of the Packers.
Now, the 49ers face a future with their swelled heads scraping
the top of the salary cap, an offensive line as porous as a
cheesehead, no running attack and an owner who likes beating people
up after a loss.
Now, the next boom we’ll hear from Madden regarding the 49ers
will be when they hit rock-bottom.
Mark Shapiro is a Daily Bruin columnist and beat writer for
men’s tennis. E-mail him at mshapiro@media.ucla.edu